TFTD – “Start your day with a positive thought" Happy day

 

TFTD 

“Start your day with a positive thought” 

Happy day

TFTD, acronym for “Thought for the day” is a daily quote I send out to my circle of friends and relatives through multiple modes such as SMS, Whatsapp and Facebook. I don’t remember the exact date, when I started this daily ritual. But I recall, that it was sometime in the later months of 2003, that  I started to send out a daily quote of inspiration or a nice thought to a handful number of my close set of  friends as an SMS. As time went on , I kept adding more and more people and today my TFTD reaches to atleast 2000 people. It does not stop there. This SMS gets forwarded by a number of my friends to their own circle of contacts and hence reaches out to a far greater number of people.

Sending out this TFTD every morning is something I love to do. The thought of being able to reach out to my friends and relatives with a nice thought, early in the morning, truly excites me. It is my way of saying, “Good morning” to my little world. Quite a number of days, I get some quick response such as “Well said, Very true, Perfect, Nice, Super, Apt for the day, I agree, I don’t agree or just a pictorial smiley or thumbs up”.  But, there are also many days, when I receive no response at all. But this has never deterred me from following this daily routine. It is a commitment, I have made to myself, and I do my best to send it every day.

So what keeps me motivated to do this, is the simple fact, that there has been a few sharing’s  of my friends, which made me realize that my TFTD has made a far greater impact in their lives than I could ever imagine. Many of them find my TFTD as a coincidence to what they are going through in life, at that point of time. Some even call me and ask, “Did you have me in mind, while sending today’s TFTD? Some tell me they eagerly wait for it. Some of my friends say that they store my TFTD and read it when they are feeling a little down. Some feel motivated, some feel solace and some just feel connected. In some way or other, it is a joy for me to know that my TFTD is making a positive impact in their life. Here are a few nice sharing’s of my friends, about the TFTD.

One of my very close friends, who encountered a close to death accident, received my TFTD on the following day, which said something like, ‘Life is short, make the best use of it’. He called me and said, “It was really an eye opener”. Another good friend of mine once called me and said, “I was holding a lot of grief and was finding it hard to let out. Your TFTD today, which said ‘It is OK to cry….’ triggered me to cry out my heart and I feel a lot better now. Thanks.”. One person in Mumbai, who receives my TFTD, forwarded by one of my friends, got my number and specifically called to thank me. He said. “Every morning, as soon as I receive your TFTD, I forward it to my customers. This has made my customers feel friendlier with me and they prefer doing business with me”. There are many such incidents, and every time I hear such a thing I feel so grateful to God for making me instrumental in reaching out to the right people with a right message at the right time.

Some ask me, from where do I get this unlimited stock of nice thoughts? With all humbleness, I accept that I am not the author of all these quotes. Though, some of them are self created, most of them are from the books I read, the quotes I see somewhere or  hear somewhere, some forwarded messages, some taken from internet, so on and so forth. The sources are many. The only criteria for its selection, is I should personally like it and to a good extent be agreeable with the thought.

For me, sending this daily TFTD has been a pleasure and will always continue to be. It serves as an reassurance to my belief, “Small effort … Big impact….”

  D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

The Value of Obedience

 

One of the forgotten values of today is, “Obedience”. Obedience is an important value which is very much integrated with our Indian culture. I personally think, “Obedience is the mother of all values”, because without obedience, no other value can be inculcated in a person. Therefore, it is the base value, on which all other values are built.

 

Imagine a world without obedience.

• How would it be if no one follows any rules?
• How would it be if there is no right and wrong?

 

Yes. The world will be filled with confusion and chaos. It was with this purpose of bringing order in our lives, rules and laws were made, so that every human being in this world is able to lead a fair and safe life. Having made these rules and laws, it is the responsibility of every citizen of this country to respect the law and obey them. If not, that person will become a threat to the society.

I come to hear a lot of parents lamenting, “My child does not obey me. In those days, I used to blindly obey what my parents told me”.  It is so true. I too belong to that generation, where I have been unconditionally obedient to the words of my father, mother, teacher and even my uncles and aunts, irrespective of whether I liked it or not. But those days are no more. So, why this shift? Let us explore. I think there are a few reasons for this and few ways to deal with them.

 

First and foremost, the word obedience has found a negative connotation. Children tend to link obedience to slavery. They don’t like to be commanded, for it hurts their ego. They feel obeying the instructions given by someone, tampers their self-esteem. They need to be educated that, being an obedient student or obedient child, in no way demeans our value. In fact, it only enhances our value. The world praises Lord Rama, for being an obedient son. They have to be taught, that if they want to command respect, they should learn to give respect and the same is the case with obedience. In a corporate hierarchy, if you want your subordinates to obey you, you should be willing to obey your superiors.

 

Secondly, the generation of today is highly intelligent as they have access to infinite information, at the click of a mouse, which has increased their questioning ability. They need reason to be convinced, why they have to do, what they are asked to do. The problem therefore is not the obeying part, but our responsibility part in educating them, as to why a particular rule or order has to be obeyed. Rather than making it as a command, tell them in a way that they are able to find a reason. Also tell them the negative consequence of what would happen if you didn't obey by the rules. For example, you can say, “If you do not obey the traffic signal, while crossing the road you may get hit by a truck, which could cost your life or permanent disability.” This will make them think.

 

Another main reason is that, children are not able to look up at their parents as role models. They find duality in them. They find that their parents are not practicing what they are preaching. In other words, parents insist that the child should obey some family rules, but they themselves find them breaking it. For example, if we make a family rule that no one should watch TV, for more than an hour on weekdays, then that rule should apply to us, as well. Children do not do what we say, they do what we do. So, to make our child obedient, we need to be a good role model.

 

Obedience is the key to live a disciplined life. And a disciplined life is a key to be successful in life. Therefore, in order to make our children successful in their life, we need to take the extra effort to inculcate the value of obedience in their young minds, before it is too late for them to mend their ways. Also, let us make them aware that if they do not follow the law, they will be punished by law, because by breaking the law the person is doing harm to others. Reasoning and fear, will have to be the driving factor.

 

We can make it easy for them, by making a list of simple things they need to obey on a daily basis, like they have to wake up early, brush their teeth twice, put back the toys in the shelf once they finish playing, be courteous to guests who come home, keeping the room tidy, or waiting to cross the street. By educating our children, through simple ways, we could help them to move from lawful obedience (external force) to willful obedience (inner force), which would do them good, in the long run.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Be Right, Kindly

I often come across this phrase, “It is better to be kind, than to be right”. Though on a human relationship aspect this sounds correct, I have somehow not been able to come to terms with it. Does it mean, that no matter how wrong or stupid, someone behaves we don’t have the right to correct them and just remain kind?

Nowadays, the whole idea of what is wrong and what is right has become debatable. People jump in to say, “What may be wrong for you, is right for someone else and vice versa. It is just a matter of perception or value system.” Well, all this perception stuff is fine, but still we know there are times, people are doing thing that is going to hurt them in the long run. In such a situation, is it not wise to step in and offer counsel, instead of just sitting back, in the name of being kind? Of course, in spite of all the advice if the person is still going on the wrong track, nothing can be done and he has to face the consequences of his decisions. But that should not stop us from intervening and suggesting corrective measures, especially when it is our spouse, child, parent, sibling or friend.

So, how do we give corrective feedback to someone without straining the relationship?  No one likes to hear unsolicited advice, and specially giving a corrective feedback can cause bitterness in a relationship and make the person distance himself from us.  So, how do we do it?

I listened to a YouTube video by Swamiji Gaur Gopal Das, through which he shared a 4 question mechanism, of giving corrective feedback to the person, in a way without sounding offensive. So here are the 4 questions. Let us explore it, one by one

1. Am I the right person?  So, how do we know, if we are the right person. We are the right person if the individual is a relative or friend. We would also be the right person, if we are an authority in that field.

2. Do I have the right motive? The motive behind trying to correct someone should be an authentic effort, which will genuinely benefit the individual and not just to satisfy our ego or to find fault on someone.

3. Do I know the right way? Many a time, the intention is good, but the way it is communicated can sound so harsh or abusive, that the person immediately tends to switch off from listening to you. So, we need to mind the tone of our voice. The issue may not be so big to flare it up so loud. What is spoken gently is often listened better than what is shouted upon. So, it is not about expressing our emotion, but explaining our intention.

4. Is it the right time?  It is human nature that we are generally spontaneous in our criticism, but slow in appreciation. It should be the other way round. When you are going to communicate something unpleasant, we need to choose the right time, which is definitely not immediately after the flaw took place, but when we are cool and the other person is cool too. This will help us to express the issue better and for the other person to take it with a better attitude.

Following this 4 question approach, I guess we can be right and kind, to a person at the same time. Give it a try, the next time you are faced with such a situation.

D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Expectation Vs Reality

 

Disappointment, Frustration, Anger and all such related feelings, stem out of the same root cause. The root cause being, that many a time the reality does not match expectation or in other words the reality falls short of our expectations. Let us examine the truth of the above statement in light of a few illustrations.

 

Your child is very intelligent, but somehow he does not score good marks when it comes to his academics. Every time, you hope he would score better next time, but the marks never seem to improve. In spite of your constant advice stressing the importance of marks, you do not see any visible result. You are disappointed.

 

You start a business venture, trusting one of your good old school day friends, who you have known for years. You have been very close pals, all through your life. At some point of time during the course of business dealings, there is a misunderstanding between you and your friend.  He behaves very differently. You are shocked. His careless behavior leads you to a big financial loss. You feel cheated. You feel betrayed. You experience disappointment.

 

One of your newly appointed managers is able to show tremendous improvement in your sales volume. Your business starts to boom. You feel like a lucky star and start building so much faith on him, that you delegate most of your work to him and move into your comfort zone. All of a sudden, he hands over a resignation letter, because he is got a better package somewhere in a foreign country. You feel helpless. You sense a fear of your business future. You never thought, he would quit all of a sudden. You are disappointed.

 

Does any of this, sound similar to your experience? Well many of us would have had some unpleasant experience of this sort.

 

The expectation was we wanted our child to score good marks, our friend to be trustworthy, our staffs to be faithful, but in reality things did not happen the way we wanted it to happen. Repeated disappointments leads to frustration and this frustration leads to anger. Is it not? At the end of the day, we are either angry with others or angry with ourselves.

 

All external anger, when given a deep reflection will boil down to internal anger. We will realize that it was our mistake to trust someone or expect someone to behave in a way that according to our perception is right. But they were their own selves and as always they will have their own side of the story for the purpose of justification.

 

The truth is, it is difficult for anyone to match our expectations. Expectations often lead to disappointment at work place, at family and amidst friends.  We expect our close friend to remember our birthday, but he may not call up. We expect our staff to be self motivated, but very often find ourselves pushing them to do the work. We expect our home to be always clean and tidy, but our kids throw up their things, all over the place. As an end result we end up with so many day to day disappointments, that life gets really frustrating at times.

 

I am not advocating that we should not have trust, faith or expectations on anyone. But what we need to look at is the limitations of the people, from who we expect and manage our expectations accordingly. Your trust in people should be based on the tried and tested method. We need to assess their ability, their interest and their integrity before we could set our expectations on them.

 

Expectations are like a seed planted on soil. Before we plant the seed we should know whether that particular soil has the potential for the seed to grow into a tree. Once we are convinced and sow the seed of expectation, we need to water it with words of motivation and appreciation, and provide the sunlight of affirmation and confidence. Eventually, we will realize that more and more of our expectations start to turn into reality.

 

In short, people management is nothing but expectation management.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

What we can learn from the Filipinos

A few years back, I had the opportunity to travel to Philippines. The name of the place I visited is Davao, which is the largest city in Philippines in terms of geographical area and 3rd largest in terms of population. Davao is considered as the cleanest city with the lowest crime rate in Philippines, which means it is a safe place for overseas travellers.

Philippines is a nature lover’s paradise with beautiful beaches and bountiful greenery making it an ideal tourist destination.

I have always believed in the philosophy, that there is always something to learn from anyone and everyone, in the world. Every country has its own unique cultural identity, which makes it different from others. So, I was having a keen eye on finding, what we could learn from the Filipinos.

What impressed me most was the level of hospitality and courtesy, the Filipinos show towards their guests.

The Ministry of Indian tourism, has as its marketing tag line, “

Atithi Devo Bhava” which means 'Guest is God'. The idea is to emphasise that we need to treat foreign tourist with great respect and courtesy. But in reality, quiet a number of foreign tourists who visit India, go back home with bitter experiences, of being cheated by auto/cab drivers or a bad attitude of the tour guide or the uncourteous behaviour of the public. I felt this tag line, more aptly suits the Filipinos. They really, seem to treat their Guests as Gods. They look up at guests with utmost respect. The way they smile, greet and show courtesy is truly beautiful. What impressed me most was the level of hospitality and courtesy, the Filipinos show towards their guests.

As I walk into the hotel, right from the security, the bell boy, the receptionist, the helpers all greet with a smile, bow down and wish the guest in a rhythmic tone. The way they say “Good morning, Sir” or “Good morning, Mam” looks more like a song, rather than just a phrase. The first time, it looked artificial, but over the course of time I realised that it was the same pattern, wherever I went. It sounded nice and makes us feels good.

The Filipinos seem to be very humble people. Though they have Filipino as their native language, everyone seems to be comfortable in speaking in English, which makes it easier to communicate. They speak in a soft, pleasing tone. I did not see a single Filipino speaking in an aggressive or harsh tone. They are extremely polite and courteous.

Though most of the shops are located in the big malls, even in the street side shops I did not find bargaining anywhere. This to a great extent saves the anxiety of travellers, in terms of not being exploited.

The cab drivers get friendly with us, by initiating a conversation, as we get on with our travel. They also care to open the door and wait for the customer to be seated comfortably, before they move the car.

Whatever duty they perform, they seem to do it with a smile. There is no frustration or bad attitude towards the work they are doing. When we give them a tip, they gratefully acknowledge it, by saying “God bless”.  It does not look like just words from their lips, but deep from their heart. I could see the level of poverty in their eyes, when they gratefully acknowledge the money given to them. Philippines, is a poor country like India. Though their currency rate is marginally higher to the Indian currency, the lifestyle of the Filipinos depict that they are much poorer than India. Still they are a bunch of happy people, from whom there is a lot we can learn.

To sum up, the good things we can learn from the Filipinos are:

·      Showing respect to all.

·      Greeting everyone with a smile.

·      Being polite and courteous with Guests.

·      Always speaking in a soft, pleasing tone.

·      An Attitude of Gratitude.

·     No matter what you are going through in your life, present yourself to the   

       world with a smile and right attitude.

 

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

The New Generation Homemaker

The days of living in palatial bungalows, with a dozen servants doing the household chores is of no much relevance today. In other words, it is too much a luxury that anyone can afford.  Today people prefer to small houses and manage all the household chores all by themselves.

Why? The simple reason is that, you don’t find servant maids to work on your terms anymore. These types of workers are slowly vanishing and it is high time, all of us wake up to the reality.

Look at the advanced countries. Do you find servant maids? No! .  The housework is done by the inmates of the family itself. They use vacuum cleaners to clean the house and washing machines to wash their clothes.

Let me share a real life observation. When I was a team member of the Rotary GSE to Finland, I was staying as a guest in one of the Rotarians house in a town called Rovaniemi. This Rotarian is a well to do businessman in that town. He has a big beautiful house. His wife is a home maker and they have two small sons.

On a Sunday morning, as I woke up and was spending some time with their kids, I saw the there was another lady in the house, who was working along with the Rotarian’s wife. They were cleaning up the house, changing linens and doing a multitude of household tasks. It was a marathon work of over two hours. At the end of all tidying up, they both sat together in the dining table and had their breakfast together. I guessed, it was one of her relatives.

After some time the Rotarian’s wife, introduced me to her by her name and said she has come to assist her with household work. I did not get a clue. I gently asked her, whether she was her relative. She replied again, that she had come to assist her. I thought she did not understand my question and left it there.

After sometime, the strange visitor left the house in her nice new car.  The Rotarian’s wife, then came up to me and told, “Actually, she is our servant maid. But you see, people here don’t like to be called servant maid, and that is why I told you that she had come to assist me”.

I was in for a cultural shock. The house owner and the servant maid, having breakfast together!. Is this OK with you? If you are not, be ready for it.  Whatever happened in the Western countries a decade back is happening in India, today and surely this too is bound to happen.

There is another choice. Get into automating your household, as much you automated your office or your factory. These are the days of washing machines, vacuum cleaners, microwaves ovens, motorized wet grinders and dishwashers.

Well, most of the city dwellers have got into this lifestyle. People living in small towns, still prefer the comfort of servant maids to do these odd tasks. I have heard people saying, the rice batter for making Idli is softer only when hand ground; the dirt in the shirt collars go away only with hand washing; the dirt in the wall corners, does not come away in the vaccum cleaner; microwave is only good for heating, it is not good for cooking; the dish washer is not good to clean Indian style stainless steel utensils.  But the sad part is nothing can be done about it. We need to accept the limitations of this and look at the convenience factor, which becomes more essential today.

Also practice the habit of doing small things by yourself, rather than depend on a servant for each and everything. To start with, teach your children to clear up the mess they created. Ask your children to clean their food plates, before and after a meal. These small habit formations will go a long way in helping them in the future.

Well, it is entirely your choice - a choice of convenience over convention. Well, it is better to accept it by choice rather than having to forcefully adapt to this lifestyle, in a later stage.

 

    D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Small Courtesies Matter

Some common words of courtesy, which finds usage in our day to day life, are, Please, Sorry and Thank You. These 3 simple words, when used appropriately can keep the relationships running smooth.But often, I find, when it comes to our close set of friends or family members, we tend to take them for granted. This comes from the belief system that, there is no need to be formal with close friends or family members, by saying sorry, thank you etc.

I have often heard this among my group of friends, “Common Yaar, don’t be so formal. You don’t have to say, Thank you for this. That is what friends are for”. Well, while it is nice to hear, that friends do not expect to be thanked, I still think it makes sense on our part to say, “Thank you”, when we feel thankful to someone for their help or kind gesture. Ofcourse, it is then left to them to take it or not. But let us not neglect to do our part.

My feeling on this is,  deep inside every one’s heart they are looking for these small positive strokes, but do not want to say, that they want it. That is the nature of us, humans. We contradict ourselves a number of times. We feel something, but say something else.

For instance, let us say the same friend did you a favour and you failed to thank him, deep in his heart he will feel, “I did such a big favour and he did not even call to say a simple, Thanks.” Is it not? So, why give way to assumptions and complicate relationships. Let us always say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Sorry’ when it is due. Similarly, when we are in the receiving end, let us learn to accept, these words of courtesy, with grace.

While it is important to be courteous, what is more important is our words of courtesy, should also be genuine. When we say a Thank you or a Sorry, let us mean it. Being courteous is not just an external act of kindness, but an inward transformation of being respectful to fellow human beings, irrespective of their social or economic background. It is a lifestyle transformation that has to become our second nature. 

To start with, we can practise these simple courtesies, with strangers. When we see people waiting to cross the road, let us slow down our car and allow them to cross. When we see children in the school bus, waving their hands at us, let us wave back in acknowledgement. While travelling in a crowded bus, if we see an elderly person standing, let us rise up and give our seat. When we enter a hotel and the doorman opens the door for us and wishes us good morning, let us reciprocate the greeting with a smile and wish him back good morning.

We need to ask ourselves, when was the last time, we thanked the people who are working for us. Many would say, that is what they get paid for. But, I personally think that more than the money, what keeps people working for us, is how we treat them.

It is a common sight in the Indian roads, to see commuters fighting head on over a minor issue, as to who was wrong. Though the person, who has wronged, knows he is wrong, he does not want to own it, because he does not want to cut a sorry figure in public. Many a times, a simple sorry or just a smile can set things straight. But we are conditioned to prove that we are right, rather than to accept that we as humans are bound to err.

Let us understand that small courtesies, really matters and make a big difference in the way we relate with people. Like a motor engine, which needs constant lubricating for a smooth drive on the road, Courtesies are the simple lubricants that we need to keep our relationships friction free.

 

 

 

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com