Expect Positive, Accept Negative

 

Expect Positive,

Accept Negative

One of the things people often say is to live without expectations. I am not sure whether it is even possible to live without expectations. But I guess, we can choose whether to live with positive expectations, negative expectations, or realistic expectations.

Though realistic expectations, sounds to be an ideal middle way, it is not always possible, because of a number of factors such as data bias and the play of emotions, that is involved.

For instance, during this COVID pandemic, we could predominantly find two segments of people. One was the “Hope givers” and the other was “Fear givers”.

Hope is a positive expectation; Fear is a negative expectation. Both are needed for survival. So, the role of both were equally important in a way. While they were extremely negative and predicting the situation to be the doomsday of the world and people went into serious depression as they sunk into the fear, the words of hope givers was a solace and gave the courage that we can overcome the situation. At the other extreme, we could see people totally careless and too casual, not understanding the seriousness of the situation. In this case, the words of the fear givers, served as a warning for people to take adequate precautions, to stay safe.

At any point of time, we will experience both. But we can choose to align ourselves to what makes us feel mentally strong and emotionally good.

I wanted to align myself to the hope givers, not because I was not aware of the seriousness of the situation, but because I felt it was more conducive for my emotional and mental well-being. There is this psychological concept which says, “Our words become thoughts, our thoughts become our feelings, and our feelings becomes our action.” So, when we consciously choose to talk about positive things, what we want to see, rather than talking about what we don't want to see, we can expect to have positive results too.

So, now the question is just because I choose to be positive, are only positive things going to happen? Doesn’t it sound like blind faith, which defies all logic?

True, it doesn’t sound logical. But what better option do we have?  Let’s see how we have evolved through the pandemic so far.

It is almost 3 years, since we first heard the word COVID and ever since, it seems to have become stuck up with our everyday vocabulary. Initially, we thought it will last only a few days or months, but the reality was different. It prolonged and brought in a number of unexpected changes such as virtual meeting, no handshake, wearing a mask at all times, lock down, social distancing which was initially uncomfortable, but over time, we started to adapt in order to survive. Change is never comfortable, but reality of life is filled with a lot of changes.

Fear and panic filled the first few days. But later it was something we felt within control. With the vaccination rolled out, hope was around the corner that things will be alright again. When people spoke about the second wave, I said it wouldn’t happen. But the second wave struck with more fury. The media was full of tragic and frightening news. Yet our mind had learnt to handle fear because it was not something new. Now the second wave is almost over, some people are still talking about a possible third wave, and I choose not to comment, but still keep my faith that we will survive the crisis. I realize that it may take longer, than we would want for the pandemic to end, yet hope has been the only light, which has helped us sail through the rough tide.

Let’s remember, COVID is not our enemy. It has no intention to kill us. Like all other life form’s its only intention is to survive, like all of us, human beings. We just need a way to find a way to protect ourselves, in this play of nature. In the nature’s game, we are just a number. Humility with courage and patience is the only way we can survive this chaos.

So, we can choose to expect the positive, but if something negative happens, we should have the mental and emotional capability to accept the negative. With an enhanced belief in science and faith in God, let’s move forward.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Visit to World Expo 2020

World Expos, officially known as International Registered Exhibitions, are a global gathering of nations dedicated to finding solutions to pressing challenges of our time. It is a global event that aims at educating the public, promoting progress, and fostering cooperation. It is the world's largest meeting place, bringing together countries, the private sector, the civil society and the general public around interactive exhibitions, live shows, workshops, conferences and much more.

Just like how Olympics, which happens once in 4 years serves as an opportunity for each country to prove their athletic might, the World Expo which happens once in 5 years, serves as an opportunity for countries to exhibit their intellectual and financial might. There has been 35 World Expos so far, including the one, that just concluded in Dubai.

The spectacular World Expo 2020 was hosted by Dubai, between 1st October 2021 and 31st March 2022, with grandeur. People from different parts of the world travelled there to witness the amazing Expo. I had the opportunity to visit the Expo 2020, personally and therefore would like to share my experience.

 

To visit a Global Expo has been on my bucket list. The Dubai Expo 2020 was a much hyped about event, in all media which increased my desire to go and see it. However due to the pandemic travel restrictions and strict adherence to testing protocols, I was hesitant to go. By the end of February 2022, when the third wave of COVID seemed to touch the lower ebb, the thought sprang up again, and I decided I will go and see it.

 

As I entered the Expo ground, it felt like a dream come true moment.  It was the similar type of excitement, that I experienced when I visited the Disneyland for the first time.  There was a huge welcome arch and the EXPO Sign board, gave the feeling of walking into a new world, by itself.  Yes, with 192 counties participating, it really felt like walking through a miniature version of the world, within this huge 1000+ acres eco system.  To make this experience more real, there was the Expo passport, in which we could get the country seal of each country pavilion we visited.  You could also try out different type of food from the respective country pavilion’s cafeteria. With visitors, from across the globe the place felt truly cosmopolitan.

 

The Expo 2020 predominantly had 3 sectors classified based on the theme Mobility, Opportunity, and Sustainability. So, there were three separate entry gates for each of the theme entrance and three vast parking areas for each gate. EV shuttle service, was available to take the visitors to the entrance. In the central part of the Expo was a huge dome like structure which was the connecting point of the three thematic sectors.

 

Each of these sectors had the specific theme-based pavilion, a number of country pavilions, visitor center with all amenities taking into consideration the visitors convenience. It was a thoughtfully planned layout.

 

As there was a big crowd and long queues, to enter each of the country pavilions, I could visit just 8 of them, which included Australia, Denmark, Russia, Finland, Switzerland, Italy, Israel and India. Each of them were unique, in its own way.

 

I also visited 2 of the 3 theme pavilions, i.e Mobility Pavilion and Opportunity Pavilion. The Mobility pavilion literally blew my mind. It was filled with technology that we can look forward to, in the future. The Opportunity Pavilion had the tag line “Mission Possible”, and showcased the UN Sustainable Development Goals initiatives, and how each one of us are collectively responsible for making those goals happen.

There were periodical stage performances, performed by celebrities across the globe, street shows and parades, which was engaging and added a fun element to the Expo.  The Expo takes a totally different look at night, with the amazing lighting and sounds, and was a treat to our eyes.

As my visit to the Expo was for just 2 days, I felt a constraint of time, to fully experience the Expo. However, this visit served as an eye opener, as to how an Expo looks like and feels like.

 

The next Expo 2025 is planned in Japan. Well, this might just be the right reason to visit that fascinating country.  What do you think?

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Fall Forward

“If you can't fly then run, If you can't run then walk,
If you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do
you have to keep moving forward.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

The above mentioned popular motivational quote is often used to say that no matter what happens in life, we have to keep progressing in life.

I happened to listen to a podcast by Mr. Denzel Washington on the topic, “Fall Forward”, which I felt was in alignment to this and it also revealed some insightful thoughts, of how achievers tend to look into failure, from a different dimension.

I’m sure many of you have heard this advice from people who are concerned about you “Make sure you have something to fall back on.” This is used to say, that even if you are going to risk something and lose, still be sure that you have some resources to fall back upon.

But, Denzel Washington says, I don’t want to fall back on anything except my faith. I want to fall forward. I figure at least this way; I’ll see what I’m going to hit. He adds, “I found that nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks.”

Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found, playing small and settling for a life that’s less than the one you’re capable of living.”

Les Brown who is a motivational speaker, has an interesting analogy about this. He says, “Imagine you’re on your deathbed, and standing around your deathbed are the ghosts representing your unfulfilled potential, the ghost of the ideas you never acted on, the ghost of the talents you didn’t use. And they’re standing around your bed, angry, disappointed, and upset. They say, ‘We came to you because you could have brought us to life,’ they say. ‘And now we have to go to the grave together.'”

One another quote we often hear is “Failure is the steppingstone to success”. The example often quoted is the famous inventor of the incandescent light bulb, Thomas Alva Edison. He failed a number of times, before he could invent the light bulb, but he did not allow those failures to deter his spirit, until he finally invented the bulb. When asked about how he had so much of endurance and confidence, he said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” His statement reveals that when someone looks at his failure as a learning, he will not fear it or get demotivated by it, but rather he will start to explore new methods of doing something.

Many exemplary stories of exceptionally successful people has been of those who embraced his philosophy of "Do or Die".  Life is full of risks, and it is the risk takers who make great accomplishments.

The Samurai Warriors of Japan are known for their exceptional courage. One of the strategies, they follow when they go to conquer a new land or territory, was to burn the bridges in which they came. It puts them in a “Do or Die” situation. When they wilfully put themselves in such a situation, the only option they have is to win or get killed.

The Fall-back philosophy says, “Lose little, rather than lose it all”, whereas the Fall Forward, philosophy is a bolder approach, which is similar to “Win it all or lose it all”. So, these are 2 extreme statements, and each has its own set of justification.

From my perspective, I am not against the idea of having a fall back. However, I also think, we shouldn't become over reliant on the fall back. It is because, most of the time it is the fall back that holds us back. Our fall back becomes our comfort zone, which curtails our ability to take risks. So, we need to stretch out of our comfort zone, with little caution.

Have you seen the bar swingers, at the Circus? They are able to perform the awesome fete, so fearlessly because they know if they fall, there is a big net below to catch. 

My approach would be similar to that, "Play hard, yet have a safety net."

 

   D. Senthil Kannan,

  CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Late Bloomers

During one of our family vacations, we were just having a casual chat and my younger son, Sanjeev, was telling me, about how so many people have made it big in the film industry, at a very young age. The person we were discussing about was the music director G.V. Prakash, who started composing film music at the age of 19 and has won several awards since then. As we pondered more, we were able to think of a few more people, who have made it big in life at an early age.

What I realised from his observation, is that youngsters face a lot of anxiety when they don't achieve things early in life. They are constantly comparing their lives with others in their same age group and when they feel that they don’t match up to others, it gives them a feeling that they are a failure in life.

I told my son, that not many people find such great levels of success at a young age and it is absolutely OK for people to take their time, to be successful in life.

No doubt, it is fascinating to see many young talents, in the field of music, arts, sports and research too. There are also a number of childhood prodigies, who steal the limelight at a very young age. However,  the challenge faced by these people are higher social expectations, which is difficult to match, as they grow up. They are not capable of repeating the same level of success, that they were able to do, when they were young. This in turn leads to higher level of stress and quicker burn out.

Whereas there are people who haven't done great in their younger days, but have made slow yet steady progress. There are also stories of people who saw the limelight only at a later stage of life. There are so many people who are late bloomers. The classic example, illustrated most often to illustrate that we are never too old to start something new is the KFC founder, colonel sanders who was supposed to have started his business at around 65 years. There are many such people, who have made a late entry into the field , yet  have met with great amount of success.

I can relate myself as an example. I consider myself a late bloomer too. I was someone with high ambitions, right from my childhood days, but I did not make a significant impact in my career in my early days. However, today I enjoy a good amount social credibility. It is a result of staying consistent with my efforts, learning from my failures, and updating to the trends. There are times, we may have to change route too, but we should stay determined in reaching the destination. All the moments we didn't grow can be called the learning period and when our name and fame, skyrockets, it can be called a blooming period.

We never know when our years of efforts, will bring in the desired result, but we have to trust the process.

The analogy of the Bamboo tree is often used to motivate people who don’t find early success. It encourages people to trust the wait and be confident they will find success, sometime soon.

The Bamboo Tree, in the first year of it being planted show no visible signs that the plant is growing. The second year, third year and fourth years also shows no growth above ground. Finally, in the fifth year, the Bamboo Tree shoots up an incredible 80 feet in the air in a huge growth spurt. How did the Bamboo Tree achieve such fast growth and why did it wait so long to do it? For the first four years of its life, it was growing and developing a strong root system large enough to support its potential height in the years to come. Without the extensive underground base to grow on, the tree would never be able to sustain such growth and support itself for the many years that will follow.

If you have not yet made it big in life, don't fret. Whenever you tend to get disheartened of not making progress, in proportion to your efforts, just remember, the Bamboo tree. Your time will come!

D. Senthil Kannan,

  CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Celebrating a Milestone:

Transformational Thoughts

in the Top Ten!

Hello, dear readers,

I am beyond thrilled to share some amazing news with you all. My book, Transformational Thoughts, has been ranked in the top ten books for the month of July! This incredible milestone wouldn't have been possible without your unwavering support and encouragement.

Top 10 Books of July - Transformational Thoughts

Reflecting on the Journey

When I first started this blog, it was a space to share each chapter of Transformational Thoughts as I wrote them. Each post was a step on a journey of personal growth and transformation, and your feedback and engagement have been a constant source of motivation for me.

The Road to the Top Ten

Seeing Transformation Thoughts recognized among the top ten books is a dream come true. It feels like just yesterday when I was pouring my heart into writing every chapter, hoping that my words would resonate with at least a few people. To know that my book has touched so many lives is truly humbling.

Gratitude and Appreciation

I want to extend my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you. Whether you've been following my blog from the beginning or just recently joined, your support means the world to me. This achievement is as much yours as it is mine.

Looking Ahead

As I celebrate this milestone, I am more motivated than ever to continue sharing my thoughts and experiences with you. There are many more chapters to write, lessons to learn, and stories to tell. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us next.

Thank you once again for being a part of this incredible journey. Let's continue to transform and grow together!

 

With heartfelt gratitude,

D. Senthil Kannan

D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Do you bottle or brood?

This article is based on an interesting article I read on Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David. Psychologist from Harvard Business School.

It is about how we handle our difficult emotions.?

But first, let's understand what difficult emotions are. There are so many to name; it could be anger, frustration, irritation, disgust, greed, jealousy, fear, anxiety, shame, guilt and so on.

 

While all these sound like negative emotions, Dr. Susan David uses the term, difficult emotions. It enhances the clarity of how we look at emotions. By labelling something as a negative emotion and trying to avoid it, we might miss out on the valuable messages those emotions are trying to convey to us.

We experience such difficult emotions almost every day and our ability to deal with it in a right manner, determines our level of wellbeing or happiness.

 

There are typically two ways we deal with our emotions. It is either we bottle them up, by discounting it or we brood over it by dwelling excessively over it. Research indicates that while most men tend to bottle up their negative emotions, many women tend to brood over it.

 

While we might think, that one of the two is better than the other, both are harmful and destructive in its own way. Research shows that both bottling and brooding can decrease well-being, increase depression and anxiety, diminish cognitive performance, affect relationships and quality of life.

 

Let's first look at Bottling up. Bottling is a tendency to push aside emotions, almost pretending they don't exist. Bottling up is typically a way of discounting an emotion, as not worthy of our attention.  Bottling tends to suppress useful clues like stress, disaffection, dissatisfaction, anger, and sadness. But these emotions are very much there within us and can be useful signals for helping us calibrate our lives.  People think that it is a brave thing to do. "Men don't cry" is a sort of childhood conditioning, many children across different cultures have learnt to believe.

Next is Brooding. Brooding is the tendency to dwell and ruminate on emotions. Brooding paradoxically draws our attention away from useful emotions. People think of brooding as a way to let go of the difficult emotions, but in the process, it neither feels good to them or to the people they are surrounded with. People hate to be around brooders, because they seem to suck and drain, one's energy.

While bottling our feelings might help us see things more objectively in the moment, it cuts us off from all subjective data. Brooding might help us understand them better, but it can cut us off from the needs and perspectives of others. It can blind us from the objective reality.

 

So, what’s the alternative? Not surprisingly, like anything else there is a middle way.  It is a 3 step process, which involves Embracing, Labelling and Addressing.

Embracing – The first step is to accept your emotions as a part of you and become less self-critical about yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Welcome your emotions in a kind, compassionate, and curious way.

 

Labelling – Unhook yourself from the emotion and try to give the emotion a perfect label. Move away from identifying with the feeling by being more precise about what it is. Once you can gain distance and  clarity on difficult emotions by labelling them precisely, acknowledging exactly what you’re feeling, distinguishing frustration, for example, from impatience, or shame. Recognizing these emotions for what they are, without getting lost in them, is the key to seeing them as temporary bits of useful information, but not immutable facts.

Addressing – Take the effort to find the cause of the emotion. For example, I am feeling angry, because I am disappointed by someone. Once you are clear about the cause behind an emotion, it is often easier to act upon it in a more objective fashion, which might help us to overcome it, without further emotional damage to ourselves and others.

Consider a difficult situation you’re currently facing and see how you can handle it better by using this “middle approach”. 

D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Let not your labels become your limitations

Have you ever come across people, who say things like:

•          I studied in a Tamil medium school, so I can’t speak English.
•          I come from a conservative family, so I am a shy type.
•          I come for a rural background, so I don’t have a good exposure.

There are so many such statements we hear in our day-to-day life, and we empathetically accept the same. But if we look into this deeply, it is more of a psychological issue rather than a real issue. All these are just the many labels, one has subconsciously bought into, in their childhood.

There are so many such statements we hear in our day-to-day life, and we empathetically accept the same. But if we look into this deeply, it is more of a psychological issue rather than a real issue. All these are jus the many labels, one has subconsciously bought into, in their childhood.

There is a concept called Self Fulfilling Prophecy. It is a process through which one’s expectation leads to its own confirmation. So, we become what we believe or do only the things we think we are capable of doing. It is all in our mind. It has a positive side and negative  side to it. On the positive side, it is empowering and enabling, whereas on the negative side it becomes self-limiting and disabling.  Our labels can become our limitations. This is the impact of labelling.

Now let me, explain this with an interesting analogy, of the childhood conditioning of an Elephant.  We all know that the Elephant is a mighty animal, but still we see that it is made to stand in a particular place, by fastening it with a small metal chain. With its size and strength, the Elephant can easily break away from this chain, if it tries a little harder, but still, it doesn’t. Can you guess, why it is so?  It is because of its childhood conditioning.  The chain was fastened to its legs, when it was small and every time, it tried to move it felt the chain holding it back and so was not able to move. After years of conditioning, the Elephant concludes that it cannot break away from this chain and so stays wherever it is, even after growing up. Though it is a simple story, there is a deep message for all of us. It is because, it is the same type of conditioning that happens to humans too.

This conditioning happens to humans, in the form of labels, which is either given to them by someone else or by themselves. So, we have to be conscious about what we tell ourselves and others.

So, let us start with ourselves. What are the labels you have given to yourself? For instance, I have given the following labels to myself, and it is still difficult to outgrow - I have a poor handwriting; I am a slow reader, I speak too fast and so on. These are some of the many labels, I have been living with since my childhood and over a period of time, these labels have become so deeply rooted strong, they have become my comfortable excuses too. I am well aware that if I stop making these excuses and take extra effort, I can overcome all these, but at some point, of time we all learn to live with our limitations, rather than taking efforts to overcome it.

The next thing we have to be cautious about is, what we tell others, especially our own children. Our children believe and trust us so much, that they can be easily influenced by what we say. So, by calling a child as lazy, shabby, or dull we are not helping them to be any better. We are just making it easier for them to accept that as an excuse and continue to live their life, that way. There are a lot of things, we unintentionally tell our children without realizing its long-term implications. And these words become their limiting beliefs. So, in spite of growing up as an adult and being able to challenge and update that belief, they tend to keep validating it by believing in their childhood labels. This in turn leads to a lot of complexes, which limits their ability to volunteer and take up opportunities.

So, how do we overcome this? With some self-introspection, we can become aware of our labels and challenge them instead of using them as excuses, that is limiting our growth. We need to realize that every shortcoming can be overcome through some formal training and practice. For example, No one is a born public speaker, yet many people learn the art of public speaking and fine tune it with practice. It is true some people are naturally gifted, but that doesn’t mean public speaking is reserved only to those selected few. Anyone who takes the effort to learn and practice, can develop the skills, they wish to acquire.

So do you want to continue being a victim of your own labels or do you want to emerge as a victor from these labels? The choice is yours.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com