Unsolicited Advice, Not Welcome

One of my friends, who is a civil engineer visited my office. Owing to the experience in his construction field, he has belief in Vaasthu. He noticed a particular corner of my office and said, as per Vaasthu, this place has to be lit up with some bright light and suggested some alterations. I was reluctant to abide by what he said and showed disapproval. He felt disrespected and hurt that I didn’t take his advice seriously. He then told me, “I am a Vaasthu Consultant and I charge my clients a big sum of money for giving my consultancy. But now I am giving it for free and you are not taking it.” I was able to understand his concern. Probably, if I had asked him for advice and paid for it, I would have implemented it. But now that he was giving the advice, without me asking for it, I didn’t find any value in it.

Isn’t this common situation with all of us? None of us like to listen to any unsolicited advice, we feel that they are intruding into out private space, which we feel more as an irritation than a good intention. Whereas, when we are actively looking for help, we will automatically reach out to the right people, who we think will be able to guide us. Let’s say we have someone in our family or a friend who is a doctor, we may not take their health advice, until we get sick or ill. So, the power of advice is directly proportional to the intensity of the need. Advice has no value, unless someone seeks for it.

Some people are habitual advisers. They like to advise people on anything and everything under the planet. They seem to think that, only they know which the best way to live is. So, wherever they go, they carry their loads of advice with them, be it related to how to handle you spouse, parent your children, what types of food you should eat or not eat, dressing appropriately for occasion, homemade food recipes to home remedies, astrology, spirituality, so on and so forth. The list is endless. To them, it feels like they are doing a lot of good to the people around them, out of concern but the truth is that people who come in contact with them, find them annoying. People tend to avoid such advisers and may try to escape from them, even when spotted at far vicinity.

I am not saying we shouldn’t be open to such free advice. If we can be open, it is well and good but at the same time, it is not necessary that we need to take every advice seriously. Why do I say that? It is because when we start to take unsolicited advice, people can tend to become too pushy, and start to thrust their thoughts and ideologies upon us, even if we are not convinced. We have freedom to choose, what to do and what not to do.

The reverse of this, applies to us as well. When we notice a flaw or feel something is wrong, in someone close to us, it is our duty to bring it to their notice. But, at the same time, it is not necessary to ensure that the person implements it. It is his or her choice. When we talk from a position of advising, the person who is being advised, is put in an inferior position and that is a not a good feeling As grownups, everyone has an individual preference and a different lifestyle. Bo one likes to be told what they should do, unless asked for. The best way to advise the people around us is being a role model to emulate. Instead of going around telling people, what they should do, just choose to be a living example. When you eat right, exercise right, work right, communicate right, people may be inspired to follow you, much more than just hearing your words of advice.

What is free has no value. So make your advices valuable and be prudent in giving them wisely. So let’s be cautions not give any advice as long as it is asked for.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com