Do you perceive insult?

A few days back, while I was chatting with my niece Ramya, in the flow of our conversation, she used a term “perceived insult”. This term caught my attention, which made me to probe a little more into it.

I realized that a lot of misunderstandings in relationships could be a result of perceived insult. So, what is perceived insult? Perceived insult is not a real insult, but what our mind tends to perceive, as an insult. That is to say, even when no one means to insult us, we feel insulted.

A simple example, could be something like this. Let us say you have been invited for a wedding and due to some reason, you are not able to attend it. The person who has invited you, might feel offended or take it as a personal insult on him, by imagining that, “You don’t consider his family important”.

Well, there could be many more situations like this. Just consider these:

• You have been trying to call one of your friends, and he isn’t picking your phone calls or repeatedly cutting your call.
• Someone opposes your view, in a social forum.
• A subordinate at office, who regularly wishes you “Good morning”, has failed to do so.
• A youngster sits in front of you with his legs crossed.
• You have gone personally to meet someone, but that person, is talking endlessly over phone to someone else, which results in waste of your time.
• You are in a social gathering and there is someone there, who you know very well Inspite of seeing you, he doesn’t come and talk to you.
• One of your relative from outstation has come and you invite him to stay in your house, but he decides to stay in another relative’s house.
• One of your friends is throwing a party, but he hasn’t invited you.
• A much younger person than you addresses you, by your first name.

These are just few examples. There can be many more. At these moments, it is natural for a few of us to feel offended or insulted. Isn’t it?

But what if the person had no intentions to insult you, but it was just his situation that made him to act that way. It could be the result of his cultural conditioning, environment, priorities or so many other things.  

Why then do we perceive an insult, which is not really intended? It could be due to various reasons. It could be the result of

•          Undue Imagination
•          Negative Thinking
•          Low Self esteem.
•          Inflated Ego
•          Envy

Whatever it may be, when we perceive an insult, it can strain a beautiful relationship. Well, I am not saying that we have to be naive or immune to insult. There are genuine reasons, for us to feel offended by insult, but it doesn’t make sense to get offended, just because we perceive an insult.

The irony is most of the time, while we are fuming with anger or feeling terribly hurt about that person’s behaviour, the one who we think has insulted us,  may not even be aware that you have felt offended. So, as the result, it is just a pain for you and not for the other person. Why do we have to cause hurt to ourselves unnecessarily?

There is a saying, “Always give the other person, the benefit of doubt”. This means, when your mind tends to think negatively about someone’s behaviour, try to think about a positive reason in favour of the other person. This can probably give you a different perspective, which will help you to alter your thinking and stay cool at such situations.

So, next time when you feel insulted by someone’s behaviour, ask yourself, “Is it real or Is it just my imagination?” Once you are more aware of your thoughts, you can put an end to it. By doing so, you can save a valuable relationship from unnecessarily turning bitter.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com