50:50

Marriage is a perfect example of a 50:50 relationship, because each of the spouses is dependent on their better half to make it a complete home. So, coming to the way, how responsibilities are shared, there are 2 approaches:

Traditional approach: Husband is the bread earner of the family and the wife is the care taker of the family. In this case the husband and wife share 50% of the work, of two different functions.

Modern approach: Husband and Wife both work and earn for the family and both the husband and wife take care of the family. In this case too, the husband and wife share 50% work, but 50% of each function.

So, literally speaking there is no actual difference, in the share of responsibility.

However, I find that there is an increasing trend amidst women to feel it a shame to be called a housewife or homemaker and a pride to be called a career women. In fact, the Government is encouraging more women to take up careers and improve the GDP of the country. Women taking up careers are a great way to build a nation, but does it make it possible for them to create perfect homes?

A career woman might argue that she is able to balance both the roles effectively.  It is quite true with the level of domestic mechanisation available today, a lot more can be handled in less time, giving women the freedom to pursue careers. But I personally feel it is like chasing two rabbits at the same time; you try too hard, but end up missing both.

So the question is what are they trading off for what? Can money buy happiness? Can parenting be outsourced? It is unfortunate that children of today spend more time in the crèche, day care centres, under the care of elderly grandparents or servant maids. And at the end of the day, a beautiful phase of life called ‘Parenting’ gets diluted, which can have unfavourable consequences, in the long run. So, it is time to rethink on one’s priorities before setting out on a career.

Couples, who are highly independent of each other, lose out on a beautiful component of a marriage called interdependence. Wouldn’t it be better if marriage operates in the true spirit of interdependence?  Interdependence is a beautiful thing and when a couple learn to understand, appreciate and respect the concept, family life would be happier. For a marriage to be successful there should be some good extent of interdependence, without which the marriage doesn’t serve the purpose. If both men and women can be fully independent in their own ways, what is the purpose of marriage? Is it not the give and take in a relationship that makes it more satisfying? Where there is good understanding between couples, there is no question of who earns the money. The money earned is there to serve the common purpose of keeping the family happy.

I saw a Hindi movie called, “Ki & Ka”, in which there is a role reversal between husband and wife, where the women is the bread earner and the husband is the homemaker. It is a bit controversial movie to the current times, but could be the inevitable future, for those wanting to balance work and family, perfectly. If only couples can learn to look at work and family as 50:50 responsibility and don’t really bother who does which 50%, families would be happier.

When it is a dilemma between family Vs career, wouldn’t it be wise to choose family. It is because, while someone can replace you in your career, no one can replace you in your family.

 

    D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com