Aging with Dignity

Old age is a part and parcel of everyone’s life and everyone has to go through this period at some point of time. Every family would have some elders and to take care of the elderly, is not an easy task. Here are some thoughts, on how we can take care of the elderly in our evolving life style.

 

If such a situation arises. I think that the RETIREMENT HOMES are an ideal choice. There is an ongoing debate everywhere, as to whether it is right to leave our parent’s in retirement homes? There are many people who criticize such acts, as being selfish, insensitive and ungrateful. This fear of social criticism, makes it difficult for many children to take this decision. We need to understand that to care for the elderly, should come out of our heart and not for the sake of social approval. Anything done out of compulsion loses the spirit of the act. So, this idea of Retirement home, is a WIN-WIN situation for both the parent and the son. There is no doubt, that it would be great if children can take care of their parents, however not everybody is lucky enough to take care of their parents at their old age.

India is known for its joint family system. It is something westerners are awestruck about. It is even difficult for them to imagine how so many relationships such as grandparents, parents, sibling, daughter in laws, children and grandchildren live together in a same house and peacefully co-exist. But that is the specialty of our country. However, the trend is now changing and like western countries, India is slowly moving from joint family system to nuclear family system. Not many elders are able to come to terms with this change happening, because it is something new to them. It makes them feel insecure. Like all changes this change too is painful to many, but we need to accept the new reality.

 

One of the inherent cultural practice, of our country is taking care of our parents at old age. It is an unwritten rule in our country that, the son should take care of his parents, at their old age.  It is based on a simple principle of ‘give’ and ‘take’. As a small child, we were dependent on our parents to take care of all our needs right from physical support to emotional support. So as a grown up, when our parents grow old and reach a stage of dependency, it is our moral responsibility to take care of them. So this has been a practice for many years.

 However, in the current context this has become a cause of concern, as the son, finds it hard to balance between the needs of the parents on one side, and the needs of their spouse, children and career on the other side. In a choice between past responsibilities and future aspirations, it is always our future aspirations that take our priority. There is nothing wrong about it. Everyone aspires to grow in their career and make a mark for themselves in this world. The sad part is opportunities are not always available in one’s home town or nearby locality. So this creates a need for people to migrate to different cities, states or even different countries in quest of pursuing their dream career. However, not all parents are comfortable with such migration, and it is not easy for the son also to take his parent’s wherever he keeps migrating.

 So, when such opportunities come, there is a moral dilemma, From the son’s side he does not know how to leave the parents and go. From the parent side, they have always wanted to been an enabler of their child’s growth and not an obstacle to their growth. It is a tricky situation on both sides. So, what could be the solution?

 So, rather than having to leave them alone in a house, where there is no one to take care of, it is much safer for elders to live in retirement homes. It also, gives them a sense of dignity. They can mingle with people of their same age, make friends, cherish old memories and live in peace.

 To take it one step further, I would say that it would be a lot easier, when this idea of moving to a retirement home is a self-initiated choice of the parent rather than an act of the children. This gives them the feeling of voluntary choice and not a compelled act.   A parent is someone who has always been on the giving side to their children. Why should old age demand a role reversal? They can very well, bless their children to progress in their life and retire with dignity.

 

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com