Empathise to Evolve

There is a beautiful saying "Do unto others what you want them to do unto you". This is the basis of empathy. Once we understand how it feels like, we will be able think about ways in which we can make things better for them. Our level of sophistication in handling people, is determined by the level of our empathy. This is how humankind has evolved so far.

This is one of the very insightful articles, I got to read.

“Years ago, the anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture.  The student expected Mead to talk about clay pots, tools for hunting, grinding stones, or religious artifacts. Whereas Mead said that the first evidence of civilization was a 15,000-year-old fractured femur found in an archaeological site. A femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. In societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. This particular bone had been broken and had healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger; you cannot drink or hunt for food. Wounded in this way, you are meat for your predators. No creature survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal. You are eaten first. A broken femur that has healed is evidence that another person has taken time to stay with the fallen, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended them through recovery. A healed femur indicates that someone has helped a fellow human, rather than abandoning them to save their own life.”

This is a clear indicator of how the human race, has evolved due to empathy, making it the strongest living species on the planet.

Now, let's take this into context to see how we are evolving further in this direction.

We often talk about inclusiveness. But are we truly inclusive in our spirits?  It is a question to ponder.  We cannot think about inclusiveness, until and unless we develop the ability to empathise with someone.

Please hear me clear. I said empathise and not sympathise. While sympathising, is about feeling sorry for someone and doing what you could to help them, Empathising is about trying to understand someone and being sensitive to them.

So, how can we become more empathetic?

One good method to understand and empathise with others, is to just mentally and emotionally swap roles, with the person you would like to empathise with and see how you would think and feel. For example, when you are driving a car, think of yourself as being the pedestrian on the road. How irritable would you feel to hear the honking of the car? How unsafe would you feel when someone speeds through and overtakes you? How much of discomfort would you experience, when you must push up your speed, to cope up with a fellow commuter, to just stay safe on the road?

While this may be an easy to relate example, it may still be difficult to understand what is beyond our experience. For instance, we might not be able to relate to the physical or psychological experience of a Transgender or Gay. Similarly, we might condemn a beggar or prostitute, but we don't know where they come from and what has put them into such a situation.

So, the first step to empathise is to drop all judgements and genuinely take interest in understanding someone. There is a good chance we can get to know them better, by having a deeper conversation, with an open mind and by being in a listening mode.

For instance, I was averse to the sight of transgenders, but once I had the opportunity to interact with them and understand their side of the story. I could understand the many practical difficulties they face, in terms of not being to get a job, finding a place to live and the social shame that excludes them not just from the society but their own family too. This helped me to gain a different perspective, which I had not had before.

Similarly, we can try this exercise with different segments of people, who we find it difficult to understand. It could be a street vendor, a garbage picker, a prostitute, a beggar, a physically challenged person, a visually impaired person, and so on. Through empathetic listening we will understand. It will help us widen our perspectives and broaden our minds. Once we understand, it will be easier for us to empathise, rather than just sympathise. This will result in us being more sensitive to them and act accordingly.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

United States of India

Few years back, I visited a multi brand consumer durables store. Each brand had a sales representative, positioned there to highlight to the customer the benefits of their respective brand products. And while I was trying to choose a refrigerator, each representative was trying to convince me to buy their brand, and it put me in a state of utter confusion. I am at a single store to buy something and instead of the store trying to sell me any of their products available in their shop, it was putting me in a dilemma. As a result, I did not shop there.

It is the similar scenario in our country too. A foreign investor comes to India, and each state is competing with other states in wooing the foreign investor to invest in their state, by offering attractive schemes, tax benefits, subsidies etc, to ensure that the foreign investors, invest in their state and not any other state. This brings about two different types of impact. One is the foreign company, might use it to their advantage to pitch against each state and get the best deal in their favour or it can get confused and decide not to invest in the country.

“United we stand, Divided we fall” is a saying we have heard, right from our young days. But I don’t understand why, this common-sense approach is not known to the people at the top.

India is One, yet it is divided. There is no common agenda. There is no possibility to integrate rivers, have a uniform educational syllabus or an uniform civil code.

We often accuse the Britisher with this statement, Divide and Rule. But what we see today, in our country is even worse.  At least during the pre-independence days, we had a common enemy in the form of a British Government, which our freedom fighters toiled to overthrow by sacrificing their lives.

We are all aware of the efforts put by Sardar Vallabhai Patel, in unifying the post independent India into one strong country. We have rightfully acknowledged his contribution by calling him the Iron man of India and constructing the World's tallest statue in his memory.

However, India doesn’t stand united. Within the country, at the macro level there is the Dravidian and Aryan divide. We then have further divisions, such as states and districts. And within this there is urban and rural divide. Regional development is the focus everywhere.

It looks, like we are surrounded by enemies, in the name of neighbouring states or towns, who compete for investments and resources, political parties who vehemently oppose each other just to prove their supremacy rather than trying to see the truth. Overall, there is more competition and less co-operation, within the country.

Our National pledge says, “All Indians are my brothers and sisters”. Let’s take the same metaphor to think of each state within the country, as a brother or sister, within a single family called India.

Like in any family, not every member of the family earns the same amount of money, not all the siblings have the same level of education and not every child has same strengths and competencies. There are weaklings in the family, who have to be supported, by other brothers or sisters. The resources of family get pooled together and the head of the family ensures, that everyone’s needs are taken care of. The idea of staying together as a family is to support each other and not compete.

Similarly, in a country like India, not all the states have the same level of GDP, and not the same level of literacy rate, infrastructure or natural resources. So, when we say we are one big country, we need to take into consideration the growth of every state and not just be happy about the development of our own state and take pride in that.

It is only when we learn to co-operate, instead of compete, we can look at an inclusive growth story for India.

A question for us to ponder, at this moment is: "Are we staying united as one country, by force? or by will?". I wish the answer is the later.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

The Integrity Gap

"Be the change

you wish to see"

 

Mahatma Gandhi

In one of the training sessions, we were discussing about values. Many people talked about integrity, as being one of their core values. So, I was trying to relate myself to the value, to see how far I sync with that value. This made me to ponder over this word deeper, to gain a better understanding. I realized integrity is when our thoughts, words and actions are in alignment. In other words, when we mean what we say and act according to it, then we have integrity.

 

We have often heard this quote, "Practice what you preach and preach what you practice". I dissected this quote further, to see if both the sentences of the quote mean the same. I realized that though it sounds rhyming and similar, they are different, when it comes to our practical life. Let's consider each of them separately and see how it is different.

 

The first line is "Practice what you preach".  Though, it is easy to say this, it is difficult for most of us, as we don’t tend to practice what we preach.

Many times, we are good at giving advice to others or telling how people should ideally live, but when we do an honest introspection of ourselves, we don’t follow the same. For example, Doctors advise us to take healthy foods and avoid unhealthy habits, but not all of them follow it. Similarly, lawyer who are meant to protect the law are the ones who find the loopholes to escape the law. Also, life skill coaches or trainers, who teach how one should behave, don’t exhibit the ideal behaviour. So, this integrity gap exists with almost all the professions.  We don’t always practice what we preach.  This may make us seem like a hypocrite, to others.  This could also put a pressure in us, to protect our image, by being socially conscious.  This leads to being afraid, that someone might catch us wrong or mock at our integrity gap. Both can be stressful.

 The second line is "Preach what you practice". This is a little easier as compared to the previous because you are just telling what you are already doing. However, this may sound like self-boasting which is not often taken well by others. Moreover, not everyone thinks and feels the same. People have different ways of doing things or dealing with an issue. The world is full of choices and so people can decide to live the life their wish. So, when we tend to get preachy, people may get averse to us and avoid us.

 

So, here is the third alternative which I think is a better option. "Just practice, but don't preach". When you decide to follow this approach, you just live your life, the way you think and feel is right. There may be few things that you do, which could impress people and make them want to emulate your behaviour.

 

For example, if you are always punctual, people might get impressed by your punctuality and try to emulate the same.  Similarly, if you always follow the traffic rules, such as wearing a seat belt/ helmet, not over speeding, stopping at signals etc., irrespective of whether the policeman is watching or not, then people might find this as a good practice, get inspired and follow the same.  So, there is absolutely no pressure on you. At the same time, you are creating a positive change just by the way you are.

 

Like the saying goes, "Action speaks louder than words", let your actions speak loud and clear. This will surely reduce the internal conflicts within you and help pave the way to bridge the integrity gap.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

      The Kings Mindset

In one of the training programmes, I attended the trainer said , ‘Have you noticed that the word KING is embedded in the word, “ThinKING”, which shows that we have to think like a King.

I found this observation interesting and pondered more on these lines. When I thought of the word “King”, the first thought that came to my mind was the Lion, which is called as the King of the Jungle. We all know that in the Jungle, the Elephants are bigger, the Tigers are stronger, the Cheetahs are faster, the Giraffes are taller, and the Foxes are wiser, but why is it that Lion is called the king of the jungle? It is because of its attitude or rather it’s way of thinking. So, it reaffirms the idea, that the way one thinks, determines whether a person has the quality of a king or not.

 

As a student or reader of history, we have often been fascinated by the life of great kings. There have been ruthless kings and benevolent kings, clever kings, and foolish kings, yet a King has been someone who is looked up high and is not answerable to anyone. It is a lineage they have inherited by virtue of their birth or by their accomplishments. However, it is difficult to describe an ideal king because they differ from person to person. Some are charismatic, some are brave, some are generous and so on. So, an ideal king, is probably one, who embodies the different good qualities we have found in many rulers. Here are a few pointers, I feel should serve as a King’s way of thinking.

 

Think Fearlessly – One of the reasons why the Lion is called a King of the Jungle is because it is truly fearless. The king has to exhibit his courage, not only in his words but also in his action. He should lead from the front. There is a saying, “An army of sheep led by a lion will defeat an army of lions led by a sheep” because a good leader can transform cowards into warrior and vice versa.

Think Abundance – “Live Life King Size” is the slogan of a famous cigarette brand. A king should be someone who can think BIG. A king should be generous and have an abundant mindset.  A king is not just someone who amasses great wealth, but someone who gives it away generously. It is difficult to imagine, a miser to be a King. We have heard stories of kings, giving expensive gifts, to poets and scholars and throwing luxurious treats to guests. So, having an abundant mindset and being magnanimous, is a quality we look for in a king.

Think Collectively – A king makes decision, not just for him, but on behalf of the entire kingdom he represents. He is the voice of the many people who have put their faith on him as a ruler. Should a king be an autocrat or democrat,  is a question we come across often. Well, it not possible to take democratic decisions every time. However , he can be a benevolent autocrat, who takes into consideration the needs and wants of his people, and takes the best possible decisions which is in their best interest. His decision should be for the larger good, and not to satisfy his ego.

 

Think Individually – Though this may sound contradictory to the previous one, it means that though the king consults with all his ministers, the decision is always taken by him. So, a king should seek wise counsel but always take his own decision based on the information he has gathered and after understanding the short-term and long- term implication of his decision.  And once he takes a decision, he has to be firm in implementing it.

 

Think Protectively – The King is expected to protect his territory and his people. While marching with a sense of confidence, the king has to tread with caution as well. He has to assess the strength and weakness of his opponents and plan a right strategy, to combat his enemy. His ultimate goal should be to protect his people, and should live up to the expectation of his people.

 

Think Indiscriminately – We have heard many stories of kings who have been indiscriminate in administering justice irrespective of whether the defaulter of the rule, was their kith or kin. To a king everyone is same, under the eyes of law. A King cannot have favorites and show discrimination if he has to be a fair ruler. Thinking fairly or indiscriminately, is therefore a virtue of a good King.

 

Let’s embrace these thinking patterns of a king, and live like a  King.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

The Hidden Agenda

Three things cannot be long hidden –
 the sun, the moon, and the truth. 
— Buddha

Few years back, I received an email saying that I have been selected for some prestigious award, and I will be receiving the same from some eminent person in a large gathering. I was intrigued and when I tried to find out more, they wanted me to financially sponsor a part of the event.

In another instance, a person from a monthly magazine, called me and asked for an interview. I was excited and when I took it little further, I realised that they wanted me to place an advertisement in their magazine.

Few days back, I was invited for a function as a Chief Guest, and during the meeting a number of donation appeals were placed, before me.

I am sure these sorts of incidents, must have happened to you too. This is what we call a hidden agenda.

A hidden agenda is the ulterior motive of doing something. It is not explicitly stated, but the intention is revealed only after some amount of time. The hidden agenda formula is not always bad. It is not pure manipulation. Sometimes, it is just like a sugar coating on a bitter pill, making it easy to swallow.

However, this approach has made people to become a little suspicious, about any new things coming up or being implemented.  So, when there is any new Govt policy, or any technological development, or when two political leaders meet or when any new foreign investment comes into a country, the first question we tend to ask is “What is the hidden agenda?”

Though this form of approach may sound sceptical, a little bit of caution, seems to be necessary today, in a world where it is easy to be manipulated. While we could ignore the small ones, like the one’s mentioned above, there could be a few things, which can have long term consequences.

When British started the East India Company, for the purpose of procurement and export of tea, we thought it was only a business, but never knew we will be enslaved with the British rule for almost 200 years.

Similarly, when China gave soft loans to countries like Sri Lanka, they did not know that soon they will occupy some territory and make it their own.

Online businesses are giving far better deals than local retailers, to grab the customers, only with the ultimate intention of killing local competition and then dominate the market.

Social media platforms are available for free, only for them to extract your valuable data and sell it to someone else.

So many things happening around us, seems to be in the good interest of people, but we have to be aware of the intentions of the person, company or country doing it.

One of my friends, Dr. Gifty often says this - “If something sound too good to be true, then it is probably not true.”

The greatest power available to humans, is the power to question. This can bring to light the truth This can help us to take some precaution and proactive steps, before something gets too late, to be amended.  

Probably, you have heard of a few secret societies such as the Illuminati, who decide how things should move forward in the world. They have some vested interest, which they want to protect or enforce, for which they may use dubious means. So, wherever there are questions which are suppressed, ignored, or have controversial viewpoints, we can sense that there could be a hidden agenda.

However, we needn’t go to the extent of sounding like a paranoid. When we tend to suspect everything, we might end up blocking all progressive measures, happening around us. It is not good too.

Let us just exercise some caution, so that we don't become pawns in the hands of someone.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Cherish your Uniqueness

I read a book by the title “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert. In the book, the author says that Uniqueness is overrated. He says all humans have similar needs, desires, temperaments, and experiences, yet we all tend to think that what we are experiencing is unique. While I was able to understand what he meant by that, I was not able to come to terms, with the statement that Uniqueness is overrated.   I am someone, who values the uniqueness of a person or a thing so much, that this statement was not in alignment with my thoughts or rather contradictory to my belief. This made me to ponder, a little further to see if there is some sound logic behind my belief.

Well let’s look at God’s many creations. God is so creative that he did not create two identical people or objects. It is so fascinating, but it is true.

Let’s first look at an object of nature – the tree leaves. Though all the leaves look the same, there are no two identical leaves in the planet. There is likely to be a slight difference either in colour gradient, shape, size, texture, or the veins of the leaf. Though we generally say that the colour of leaf is green, we know the myriad of shades available in a single colour. Humans have given names to 295 variants of a single green colour, but many more green colours exist, which is so hard for us to differentiate and label.

Similarly, if we are to look at humans, there are no two humans who are the same. Even, those who we call as identical twins, if we observe them closely, we will realise that there are a few minor differences between the two.  Not just twins, there has not been any person exactly like you in the past and there will be no one like you in the future. The current population of the world is about 7.7 billion, but in the lifetime of this planet it is estimated that over 105 billion people must have lived and died. And yet we cannot find any two people with the same fingerprint or retina, which helps to differentiate people.

I read this fascinating fact somewhere, “If you shuffle a pack of playing cards properly, there is a good chance that the exact order of cards you have in our pack has never been in the history of universe. Because the number of permutations possible is around 8 followed by 67 zeroes. If the permutation and combination of just 52 cards can be so much, just imagine the number of permutations and combinations, that is available at the disposal of the creator.

When we talk about human race, we predominantly classify them as white, black, brown and yellow, but the amount of permutation and combinations we can do with these 4 are so many. If God can make so many modifications in leaf, with a single colour green, then how many more he can do with so many colours at his disposal. And remember that the colour of the skin is only one component of a human construct. There are so many other components too.

Perhaps, the only thing we can mock God, is for not being capable to create two identical things. Only humans and robots, can replicate identical things in a factory environment.

As Humans, we are also God’s creation and so we must bring forth our creative potential and be proud of our uniqueness and our ability to create unique things. So according to me, Uniqueness is not overrated but underrated.

We should not compare ourselves with others. Comparison is the thief of joy. By comparing ourselves with others, we are discounting our uniqueness. We are made differently, because we are meant to be different, think different and do different things, that is going to contribute to the whole.

I read this beautiful quote somewhere. "You are a masterpiece - A master's piece". Yes, there is only one you. Of course, in this world, no one is indispensable, but at the same time I believe no one is replaceable. No one can be you. You are once in lifetime wonder. Cherish your uniqueness!

  D. Senthil Kannan,

  CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Expect Positive, Accept Negative

 

Expect Positive,

Accept Negative

One of the things people often say is to live without expectations. I am not sure whether it is even possible to live without expectations. But I guess, we can choose whether to live with positive expectations, negative expectations, or realistic expectations.

Though realistic expectations, sounds to be an ideal middle way, it is not always possible, because of a number of factors such as data bias and the play of emotions, that is involved.

For instance, during this COVID pandemic, we could predominantly find two segments of people. One was the “Hope givers” and the other was “Fear givers”.

Hope is a positive expectation; Fear is a negative expectation. Both are needed for survival. So, the role of both were equally important in a way. While they were extremely negative and predicting the situation to be the doomsday of the world and people went into serious depression as they sunk into the fear, the words of hope givers was a solace and gave the courage that we can overcome the situation. At the other extreme, we could see people totally careless and too casual, not understanding the seriousness of the situation. In this case, the words of the fear givers, served as a warning for people to take adequate precautions, to stay safe.

At any point of time, we will experience both. But we can choose to align ourselves to what makes us feel mentally strong and emotionally good.

I wanted to align myself to the hope givers, not because I was not aware of the seriousness of the situation, but because I felt it was more conducive for my emotional and mental well-being. There is this psychological concept which says, “Our words become thoughts, our thoughts become our feelings, and our feelings becomes our action.” So, when we consciously choose to talk about positive things, what we want to see, rather than talking about what we don't want to see, we can expect to have positive results too.

So, now the question is just because I choose to be positive, are only positive things going to happen? Doesn’t it sound like blind faith, which defies all logic?

True, it doesn’t sound logical. But what better option do we have?  Let’s see how we have evolved through the pandemic so far.

It is almost 3 years, since we first heard the word COVID and ever since, it seems to have become stuck up with our everyday vocabulary. Initially, we thought it will last only a few days or months, but the reality was different. It prolonged and brought in a number of unexpected changes such as virtual meeting, no handshake, wearing a mask at all times, lock down, social distancing which was initially uncomfortable, but over time, we started to adapt in order to survive. Change is never comfortable, but reality of life is filled with a lot of changes.

Fear and panic filled the first few days. But later it was something we felt within control. With the vaccination rolled out, hope was around the corner that things will be alright again. When people spoke about the second wave, I said it wouldn’t happen. But the second wave struck with more fury. The media was full of tragic and frightening news. Yet our mind had learnt to handle fear because it was not something new. Now the second wave is almost over, some people are still talking about a possible third wave, and I choose not to comment, but still keep my faith that we will survive the crisis. I realize that it may take longer, than we would want for the pandemic to end, yet hope has been the only light, which has helped us sail through the rough tide.

Let’s remember, COVID is not our enemy. It has no intention to kill us. Like all other life form’s its only intention is to survive, like all of us, human beings. We just need a way to find a way to protect ourselves, in this play of nature. In the nature’s game, we are just a number. Humility with courage and patience is the only way we can survive this chaos.

So, we can choose to expect the positive, but if something negative happens, we should have the mental and emotional capability to accept the negative. With an enhanced belief in science and faith in God, let’s move forward.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com