Don’t blow things out of proportion

I realized that keeping things in the right proportion is important for everything, be it drawing a portrait, cooking a dish, or stitching a dress. When things are in the right proportion things seem awesome, when things are not in the right proportion, it can turn awkward.

The same is true with our emotions. Most of the problems in our life are because of our inability to put things in the right proportion. We often hear the term, “Blowing things out of proportion”. It is so true. Many times, we either tend to exaggerate something that has happened in our life or sometimes we discount what happened as something insignificant. In both cases, we are doing something wrong, which can lead to adverse consequences. So, it is wise to put things in the right proportion.

We all have 4 basic emotions, which are “Happiness, Sadness, Anger, and Fear”.  All these 4 emotions are there for a reason.  We need fear to escape danger. We need sadness to cope with our pain and to relate to the pain of others. We need happiness, to enjoy life, work towards growth and achievement, and to celebrate our success. We need anger, to express our hurt or disappointment. So, all the emotions are important. Suppression of any of these emotions results in health hazards, whereas expression of any of these emotions complicates the trouble.

 

So, how do we deal with it? We have to learn to express our emotions, appropriately. There is a saying, “Don’t make promises when you are too happy, don’t reply when you are too angry, and don’t decide when you are too sad.” When we are in a state of extreme emotion, we tend to do the wrong thing, which can have a long-term negative effect.

When people are in extreme anger, they shout or scream. They even use abusive words or foul language. Similarly, when people are in extreme sadness, they tend to go into depression mode and even go to the extent of committing suicide.

Similarly, we see people are constantly worried about something or other and it is normal. A little bit of worry is needed, to help us plan and prevent problems we anticipate. At the same time, we also need to put worries in the right proportion, if we have to experience peace of mind. For example, there is no point worrying about things that will happen to us, 10 years from now, or about things that are beyond our circle of control or influence. That will only create anxiety and stress and go to the extent of making one paranoid too.

So, any emotion at an extreme level can be harmful. We have to learn the skills of maintaining our emotions in proportion to the situation or event. If not, our life and relationships could become a big mess.

I read this quote, “Anybody can become angry-that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”  Isn’t true? If we don’t learn to express our emotions in the right proportion, we run a serious risk of damaging our relationship and our reputation too.

So, it is important to develop our emotional competence, to express our emotions in the right proportion. To do that, the first step is being aware of our emotions and then having the ability to fine-tune the emotion, before expressing it.  Like all other skills, this too has to be learnt by doing and it gets better and better with practice. When we do that, we will start to see the bigger picture, of the expression of our emotions and start to use them wisely. By doing so, we will become better at dealing with others and ourselves.

Our thoughts tend to move like a pendulum between big and small, important and trivial, serious and casual. We must learn to put things in the right perspective, in order to lead a good life.

  D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Future to Present

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. - Napoleon Hill

Whenever we talk about Goal setting or work on creating a Personal development plan, for ourselves, we talk about a 4-step process, which can be of help.

 

Step 1: Ascertain where you are now.

Step 2: Decide where you want to be, …….. years from now?

Step 3: Think about how you would reach there?

Step 4:  Check for evidence/measurement, to know that you are on the right track?

 

This is conventional wisdom, which works on the principle of moving from “Present to Future” and this method works. So, technically there is nothing wrong about.

 

However, recently one of my friends in the training fraternity, Mr. Chandruvel Murugan talked about a radically different approach to the existing paradigm. Though, what he said sounded a bit irrational, I felt there was some truth behind it, because it has worked for many great achievers, who have a “rags to riches” type of story.

 

He said, “When we focus on ‘Present to Future’ approach, we are often limiting ourselves to the concept of practicalities. A person’s present mental condition doesn’t allow him to dream too big, because the tasks he needs to accomplish to reach there seems difficult. All the barriers towards reaching the desired goal becomes visible to his mind eyes. Many people give up even before starting, because the goals seem overwhelming. This in turn makes them to desire less, because they think that is what is practically possible. But, if we look at the life of some of the great achievers, they have reached far beyond one can imagine. So, how was it possible? It is probably because they practiced a reverse approach, which is ‘Future to Present.”

 

So, what is this “Future to Present” approach? Instead of starting with the present, you start with the future or rather the idealistic future you want to be in. You believe that the current state of your life, doesn’t determine your future. So, you first decide what you want to be, no matter what your current situation is. This too has a 4-step process, but it is much different than the previous method.

Step 1: Dream of what you wish to be.

Step 2:  Believe firmly and unwaveringly, that you can get there.

Step 3: Feel, as if you are already in that idealistic situation.

Step 4: Act on every opportunity to manifest the dream.

 

These types of achievers, seem to have these common qualities.

• They have very big dreams with often gets mocked down, as being crazy, but they aren’t bothered about what others say.

• They have unwavering faith and belief in their dreams.

• They enthusiastically act upon making their dreams come true.

• They are always alert and dynamic, to all the opportunities that come their way.

• They are in constant search for networks, contacts, leads, skills, and resources, that will aid them to reach their goal.

• They do not restrict themselves to one method or strategy, whereas are open to new learnings and take hints from everywhere.

• They are less judgemental about others and more focussed about their own self.

• They don’t waste time and are always busy doing the things that will inch them closer to the goal, every day.

• They don’t curtail themselves, to their comfort zone, rather  are willing to take bold risks.

• They will be willing to travel far and wide, to gain what they need and even migrate to a new place, if the situation demands.

And when they work relentlessly on the pursuit, there is a strong possibility that they will reach there.

 

The ‘Law of Attraction’ also seems to work in favour of those people who have big dreams and believe in it deeply. It is just about having an unwavering belief, in one’s desires which helps people, get what they want from life.

 

While the “Present to Future’ seems to be a more consistent and rational approach, the ‘Future to Present’ is a dynamic and irrational approach, which seems to have worked for few people too. At the end of the day, it is all about growing and so the choice is yours, to decide which approach suits you.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Statue of Women Safety and Honour

Few months back, I visited the Jatayu Earth’s Centre, in Kollam District, Kerala which encompasses the world largest bird sculpture. The giant concrete statue of Jatayu is built on a mighty rock named Jatayupara. The colossal statue is 200 feet long, 150 feet wide and 70 feet tall. It is magnificent in size and truly spectacular.

The concept is the brainchild of renowned film director, art director and sculptor Mr Rajiv Anchal and his team took ten years to meticulously design and complete this monumental project. Jatayu Earths Centre tourism project is spread over 65 acres of multi terrain landscape, which is 1000 feet above sea level and has diverse geographic features ranging from hills, valleys, rugged rocks, caves to cultivable lands.

In the great epic Ramayana, Jatayu is characterized as a noble bird of divine origin. When Sita was abducted to Lanka by the demon king- Ravana. Jatayu rushed to her rescue, stopped Ravana’s chariot named Pushpaka Vimana and engaged in a battle with him. Eventually, Ravana took his sword and cut off the bird’s left wing and went away with Sita. It is said that the injured Jatayu and his lost wing landed on top of a rock. In time, the rock got the name Jatayupara. This is where the monumental statue of Jatayu is now built. There is a pond near the rock which is said to be formed by the stroke of Jatayu’s beak. It has water throughout the year and never goes dry. Legend also says that, it is the bird that told the whole story and Rama got the vital information about his wife Sita and Lord Rama gave moksha to the wounded and dying Jatayu.

Jatayu is an embodiment of valour and chivalry. Risking his life, he tried his best to save Sita from her abductor. Hence the Jatayu sculpture uprights as a towering tribute to women’s safety and honour.

This month being Woman’s day, I thought of penning this article which serves as a fitting tribute to the sculpture and the thought behind the significance given to the sculpture by its creator. In the words of Mr. Rajiv Anchal, this symbolism has great relevance in today’s social scenario since the crime rate against women is on a high. Each guest at Jatayu Earths Centre is requested to understand and emulate the inner meaning of this inspiring creation.

Thousands of years have passed since these epic days of Ramayana, yet women safety remains a concern in the country. While on one end, we see the liberal and progressive woman making rapid strides in different fields, on the other end we still hear of cases of offence against woman in the form of physical, mental and emotional assault.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The day a woman can walk freely on the roads at night, that day we can say that India has achieved independence”. If we have to check for validation of this statement today, we will just become aware that we are still far away from that day.

According to a 2019 survey, 42 percent of Indian women feel 'unsafe' in their surroundings, and 78 percent feel that authorities are not taking enough measures to ensure the safety of women in India. About 43 percent revealed that they have faced an incident where their safety was undermined.

No doubt, the safety of woman is being addressed more openly and commonly, in both social media and government forums. CCTV Surveillance, all woman’s police stations, women protection laws are much more in place. However just having strict laws, will not serve the purpose, unless there is proper enforcement and women should feel safe enough to report any violence against them. The evidence of the effectiveness of the law, ultimately depends on the reducing number of incidents of such crimes against woman.

In the days of woman empowerment, it seems contradictory to talk about woman protection. Yet, I believe these both go hand in hand. We need to protect the woman in the process of empowering them, so that they will be in a better position to handle themselves. With more empowered woman in the workforce and all spheres of official work, the women safety is likely to be enhanced. Literacy rate of woman are fast growing and so we can sure be hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Together, let’s work to create a safer place for women.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Can we stay neutral in a highly opinionated world?

Can we stay neutral in

a highly opinionated world?

We, all of us have opinions. We have opinions on every aspect of our life. We seem to know it all. We have an idea of everything right from; How the Government should function? How should parents bring up their children? What is the appropriate way to dress in public? Should gay marriage be legalized or not? How should Ukraine deal with Russia? and a lot more.

Similarly, we have an opinion about every person we already know or who we newly meet. We classify them, as smart or dumb, lavish or stingy, noble or selfish.

We are constantly making a judgment of situations and people based on our perceptions. We are constantly judging what is right and what is wrong.

Now, let us try to understand how our opinions are formed. Though opinions seem shallow, it springs from our deep-rooted beliefs. Our opinions are formed as a total of our knowledge, information, attitude, upbringing, and experiences. So, our opinions are prone to be different from others. 

This leads to a certain amount of bias, in all our opinions.  This difference of opinion creates a sort of divide. And any divide progresses toward polarization. So, it is important to curtail it, for peaceful co-existence.

It is common, we are always looking for the company of like-minded people. It is easy for us to gel with them. It feels safe and comfortable. But true intelligence is to look at different perspectives and gain a bigger picture. This can happen only when we are open to what people, who have a different opinion from us have got to say. It calls for an open mind and empathetic ears. At the end of the conversation, we may still not be convinced enough to accept their views or opinions. It is fine. It is the openness that counts.

I often wonder whether we can be free from all bias. Whether we can stay neutral in a highly opinionated world. Though we may proclaim, that we are totally free from all bias, they are unconsciously deeply rooted in us. Where there is bias, there is no neutrality.

So, being neutral is impossible. The closest we can do to avoid social conflict is to keep our opinions to ourselves, on several occasions.

We can keep silent on the things that don’t concern us. We can also keep silent on things, where we do not have sufficient information to comment upon.  It is OK to keep quiet or just say I don’t know. People think they will appear stupid if they say so, but the truth is they will cause a lot less harm if they develop courage to say that.

We can avoid talking about sensitive issues in common forums. In an organization called Toastmasters, in which I am a member, there is a simple rule in the meeting. It says, Sex, Religion, and Politics are taboo topics, which shouldn’t be talked about in the meetings. It makes a lot of sense because these are sensitive topics, which could flare up someone’s ego.

In all other things, where we are not able to be neutral, we can agree to disagree, in a polite and respectful manner.

This comes from the understanding that just like how we have the right to our own opinion, others have the right to their opinions too. By respecting the rights of others to have their own opinion, we can avoid unnecessary conflict.

In this way, our relationship can transcend our opinions and still flourish. It is very much possible for people with two different ideologies to be good friends. We can see examples of this in politics, cinema, and many other fields too. We need to respect others as they are, without expecting them to change their views or opinions, to be compatible with them.

So, the way to stay neutral is not by overcoming our own biases, which seems impossible but by respecting others’ opinions, without criticizing or condemning them, which very much seems possible.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

The Cow Economy

Man, feeds cow! Cow feeds man!

Few months back, I visited Gujarat on a 10-day long trip, to explore the state. While there were so many interesting places to see there, something that uncommonly caught my attention was the cattle on the roads. I could see a lot of cows on the roads and as such I also noticed there was no over-speeding on the highway as the local drivers, where concerned about the safety, of both the passengers and the frequently trespassing cattle.

It was fascinating to see the way, how cows and people, happily co-exist there. Rather than happy, I should say how they profitably co-exist as they see mutual benefits, in this co-existence. This is why I have given the title for this article “The Cow Economy”. Let me explain it further.

Gujarat, though ranks 4^th in the country, in the production of milk, the Dudhsagar dairy in Gujarat is the largest producer of dairy products in India and 2^nd largest in Asia. We are all aware of the Amul range of products, which is from this state. It includes several milk-based products, such as processed milk, flavoured milk, milk powder, cheese, butter, buttermilk, ghee, panner, curd, yoghurt, ice creams, milk based chocolates and so on. Gujarat is predominantly a Vegetarian state, so the milk products are the main source of fat and protein.

In addition to the cow’s milk based products, there is a lot more that man can get from a cow. “Cow dung” for instance is a good manure and the dried form of cow dung is used as a cooking fuel, in many villages even today. Gobar gas (bio gas from cow dung) is also used as a cooking fuel. A mixture of cow derivatives including its urines, milk, ghee, dung  are used as organic fertilizer, and we also see there is a growing interest in organic farming today.

In Gujarat cows are not killed, for meat. There is no cow slaughtering, however leather from the dead cow is sold.

When there is so much of economic benefit, from a cow, why would they slaughter it. It reminds me of the story we probably learnt at school about  “The Goose that lays golden eggs”, which I think suits the cow too.

So, not just dairy products, but all the products that man gets from cow, helps him to generate  revenue, which makes it lucrative for people to breed cows. In olden days, it was a practice in many households all over India, to have a cow in the house, for the many things that household members can get from it. Even today we find it in a few houses and many farm lands, because it leads to a win – win situation.

In addition to economic benefits, cows also have a spiritual significance to the Hindus. Cows are considered a divine animal in the Hindu religion. Most of the Hindu's don't consume beef, for the same reason. Cow is believed to be a home to all the Gods. It is likened to Goddess Mahalakshmi, for the prosperity it brings, which is evident through the methods of revenue, I have already stated.

When we walk around the temples in Gujarat, we can see roadside vendors selling flour balls, as an offering to be given to the cows. Many pilgrims buy it and feed the cow, as a way of religious act. We can also see people touching the cow and placing it in their eyes, as a sign of respect.

To put it in simple words, we can say, “Man feeds cow and in turn the cow feeds man” which is a win – win strategy for both the human and the cow.

While the dirt and mess created by the cows in public, can be annoying, it opened my perception to why this co-existence continues to be in practice, even after so many years of civilization. I could understand that the relationship of the Gujaratis with the cow, is not just logical, but also an emotional.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

In Search of Unconditional Love

In Search of Unconditional Love

One of the terms, we often tend to hear these days is “Unconditional love”. Unconditional love is a love that is given to someone without any conditions or expectations. This made me to ponder, as to does something like that really exist. I started exploring different relationships, were man searches for this “Unconditional love.”

The first thought that came to my mind, was Mother’s love. We feel a mother’s love special, because she cares for us, despite all the inconvenience she has to go through. There is a great element of sacrifice. However, if we look deeper into it, even a mother’s love has a long-term reciprocal benefit, of safety and protection as an intention. We can also observe that in many families, mother’s show favouritism and can be biased in treatment of different children. So, this cannot be totally called unconditional love.

The next is one’s Spouse. Many people hope to find unconditional love from their life partner, but often meet with disappointment, as it doesn’t meet their expectation. It is because marital love is reciprocal in nature. Which means, you need to give love, in order to get love. So, the love here is transactional love and cannot be called unconditional love.

 

Another place, people commonly go to is their Friends. Friends are fun to be with, because they are less judgemental in nature. So, sometimes it feels like a place where we can experience unconditional love and understanding. But there too when there is no balance of give and take, or due to acts of negligence, loss of trust or due to misunderstanding, relationship can turn sour. We have seen close friends, turning into revengeful foes. So, unconditional love, is not found here too.

Some people assume to experience unconditional love, from their Pets. People resort to having pets, such as dogs. They are faithful to their masters and is so excited to see their master when they return home. They exhibit their longing, by wagging the tail, cuddling their faces on the laps, sniffing and licking etc. However, this too lasts, only till the master serves it food. Once that is done, their excitement fades away and they go about doing the own things. So, this too cannot be seen as an Unconditional love, that sustains for long.

Some people go in search of unconditional love to Spiritual leaders in Ashrams, Monasteries or Missionaries, but this again is purely religion based or based on some spiritual discipline, which disciples are expected to follow, failing which they are thrown out.

When everything fails, we take respite in God. We often liken the love of God, as unconditional love. We often say God is love or Love is God. According to me Love and God, both are a belief, and that is why it is easier to compare both. We tend to say Love is a divine feeling. The divine feeling is used as metaphor to define love, which is an abstract experience, difficult to explain. Still there is no rational behind this, to be called an unconditional love.

 

Love is a perceived feeling, and it can be different for different people. This led me to think, that unconditional love is just an idea and not a possibility.

However, when the thought of the love shown by a stranger, struck my mind, I felt that was the closest to unconditional love. Let me validate this with an example. Let’s say, you meet with a road accident and some stranger who spots it, rushes to your rescue, he takes you to the nearby hospital, admits you and in sometime disappears from the scene. His only intention was to save the life and there was no other expectation. That is unconditional love.

We can experience the love of strangers in different ways - it could be just a warm smile during one of our difficult day, it could be someone donating blood hearing of a  requirement, a person who helps to off load a heavy luggage from a fellow traveller,  someone helping an old person who is finding it difficult to cross a busy street,  food served by a hotelier when you are hungry, though he knows you don’t have the money to pay for it. There are so many such random acts of kindness we come across from strangers. All these acts are evidence of unconditional love. There is a saying, “God couldn’t be everywhere, that is why he created angels”. To me the strangers who help, in difficult times are those wandering angels.

Love is what sustains life. Believe in love, Believe in life.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

The Ever-Growing Self

There is a nice quote by Carroll Bryant, which goes, “Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional”. We are growing every day in every way.  We grow in all dimensions of life. We grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually too and we will keep growing till we die. Physically we grow in size, mentally we grow in knowledge, emotionally we grow in relationships and spiritually we grow by our noble deeds.

Like the river, our life is also full of surprising twists and turns. From where we originate to where we end, the path is not a straight line. But one thing we know for sure is, no matter what path we take, we are all constantly evolving, growing, and moving towards an ideal future. Let’s try to understand the different things that help us to evolve and grow. We acquire a number of skills needed to advance in our chosen career, we go through a number of life experiences, we meet different types of people, we read to different types of book, we travel to different places and each one of this alters our perspective of life.

 

Skills we acquire: We all need skills, not just to be successful in our career, but also to live our life to the fullest. The beauty of life, is that we can learn and acquire any skill, we are interested in. While talent is natural, skill is acquired. We can learn to drive, to swim, to dance, to sing, to play a musical instrument, which makes us enjoy life. We can learn to draw, paint, stitch or knit, which can be comforting when we are alone. We can learn a foreign language, which helps us to know and understand more about a country or culture. We can learn to play a game, do yoga, practice meditation and so on to keep ourselves fit. There is absolutely no limit to the amount of skills we can develop, if we are passionate about it.

 

Experiences we gather: Our experiences strongly influence what we become. All that happens in our life has to be considered as an experience without labelling them as good or bad. Like they say there is nothing called failure, only learnings. So, every experience teaches us new things and opens our eyes to new perceptions. Experience comes to us, firsthand, which makes it truly significant. It is not borrowed knowledge from books or borrowed wisdom from the sages.

People we meet:  In our life path, we are born in a family of few people, who we think are our world.  But, as we grow up, we meet a lot more people, with whom we connect and make friends. Like the saying goes, “Strangers are just unmet friends”. So, we keep on expanding our network, day by day through different professional forums, social forums, common interest groups and so on. When this happens, our world starts to grow bigger. We start to see the world differently, with enhanced perception, we gain from different people. Our relationships are not static, rather dynamic in nature.  We add new people and eliminate a few people in our lives, based on our situation and circumstances.

 

Books we read – We start reading right from our childhood. It starts with textbooks at school to story books at home. Even after we complete our formal education, we update ourselves by reading books, blog articles or magazines relating to the field of study. As we grow up, we continue to read.  We also read different types of books that capture our interest. It could be philosophy, self-development, history, literature, fiction, or anything else. There are so many genres of books we can read. Each author throws a different thought, which enhances our understanding and widens our perception.

 

Places we visit: One of the important things we should do when we are on this small blue planet is to see as much as we can of it, during our limited lifetime. Human life is a gift to see and admire, the beauty of the world – be it natural wonders or man-made ones. When we travel, far and wide, we see a lot which offers fresh insights. We also get the opportunity to meet and interact with different races of people, which helps us to transcend the ideologies of nationality, religion etc. and start embracing humanity, as a whole.

 

So, let not allow our age to determine our destiny. Why should someone retire from work at 58 or 60. Well, as long as we are alive, we can do all the above things, I have mentioned. By doing so we will keep growing and growing till the day, we cease to exist. Let’s remember the Reliance tag line goes “Growth is Life”. It also means to say, what that doesn’t grow, dies.

 

Keep growing!

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com