Thriving amidst differences

A few days back, I received a WhatsApp forward that read something like this,

“Friends, please don’t fight over politics with your friends and relatives and ruin your beautiful relationship.  In a few days, the election will be over, and your favourite candidate will go away.  If you fall, it is your friend who will rush to you for help and not the election candidate. And it is your friends, who you need forever.”

Though positioned as a joke, it is so profound. We see so much of arguments everywhere, over several things such as politics, religion, cinema, technology, industrialization, environment, social changes, law, and more. Everyone has a strong standpoint and is convinced that only they are right, and all others are wrong. This sort of thinking is a deterrent to existing friendships and to make new ones. Being adamant in our views and opinions, will only distance us from our existing friends and shun us away from potential friends.

This made me ponder, is it possible to co-exist peacefully, in a world where there are so much of differences? With some deep reflection, I felt we could.

Let us look at a few potential areas, where there can be differences of opinion or arguments and see how we can handle it in a more congenial manner.

Let us say there, are two friends, one is a believer, and another is an atheist. Well, the believer friend may like to visit a place of worship and the atheist friend may think it is a waste of time. However, as a friend, he can be considerate enough to accompany him. There is no need for him, to worship but he can respect the sentiments of his friend and just go along with him.

Similarly, there may be two friends belonging to different religions. Their ideology of God or their way of worship may be different.  However, if they can embrace the thought that “All paths lead to the same truth”, they can learn to respect the differences and appreciate the similarities. Instead of arguing about which God is mightier or which religion is right, we can choose to respect the differences. We can celebrate, greet each other, and exchange gifts with friends during the respective festivals.

Another area of conflict can be lifestyle differences, which might result from religion, culture, or just philosophy. For instance, being a Vegetarian or Non-Vegetarian is one’s choice, which could be based on one’s values or religious beliefs. Quite often when we travel or go for an outing, we can be a little adaptive, to ensure that everyone’s need is taken care of. I can go to a non-vegetarian hotel and have vegetarian food. Similarly, the non-vegetarian friend can be considerate enough to see that the non-vegetarian restaurant he plans to go, has enough Vegetarian options on the menu.

The same goes for consuming liquor. It is so normal nowadays, that friends chill out over a drink. One friend might want to enjoy a drink, while to the other it might be against his principles.  However, instead of condemning the other as a drunkard, he can give company and enjoy the electrifying ambience of the party or the pub. He doesn't need to drink liquor. There are so many mocktails and other alternatives that he can have if he wants to. Similarly, the friend who drinks can be sensitive to his friend’s preference and not persuade him to drink. In fact, having a friend who doesn’t drink, is a blessing, because he can drive you back home safely.

Another area of conflict is often about which Nation is superior.  Everyone is proud of their own country and there is nothing wrong about it. However, it should not be in the cost of degrading another. One Mr. Vedachalam, a famous Tamil historian and archaeologist, conveyed this beautifully, during one of his speeches. “To everyone their Nation is like their mother. Your mother is best to you and for your friend his mother is best to him. There is no way we can compare and make the other person accept that you are right, because it is personal and emotional in nature.”

I think the same applies for politics. Everyone has a favourite political party or leader, for their own reasons. So, it is wise to tread here cautiously.  We have to understand everyone has their right to opinion and learn to accept the differences and move on.  All of us have some pet ideologies, but that shouldn’t interfere with our friendship.

Good friendship is about transcending these mental limitations and connecting on an emotional level, through empathy and understanding. Finding the common ground is the basis of any friendship and let not the differences deter your friendship. By developing this attitude, we can ensure our friendship not only survives, but also thrives amidst differences.

    D. Senthil Kannan,

    CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

    Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

    Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com