Celebrating a Milestone:

Transformational Thoughts

in the Top Ten!

Hello, dear readers,

I am beyond thrilled to share some amazing news with you all. My book, Transformational Thoughts, has been ranked in the top ten books for the month of July! This incredible milestone wouldn't have been possible without your unwavering support and encouragement.

Top 10 Books of July - Transformational Thoughts

Reflecting on the Journey

When I first started this blog, it was a space to share each chapter of Transformational Thoughts as I wrote them. Each post was a step on a journey of personal growth and transformation, and your feedback and engagement have been a constant source of motivation for me.

The Road to the Top Ten

Seeing Transformation Thoughts recognized among the top ten books is a dream come true. It feels like just yesterday when I was pouring my heart into writing every chapter, hoping that my words would resonate with at least a few people. To know that my book has touched so many lives is truly humbling.

Gratitude and Appreciation

I want to extend my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you. Whether you've been following my blog from the beginning or just recently joined, your support means the world to me. This achievement is as much yours as it is mine.

Looking Ahead

As I celebrate this milestone, I am more motivated than ever to continue sharing my thoughts and experiences with you. There are many more chapters to write, lessons to learn, and stories to tell. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us next.

Thank you once again for being a part of this incredible journey. Let's continue to transform and grow together!

 

With heartfelt gratitude,

D. Senthil Kannan

D. Senthil Kannan,

 CEO, PALMS Training & Consulting (P) Ltd., Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Do you bottle or brood?

This article is based on an interesting article I read on Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David. Psychologist from Harvard Business School.

It is about how we handle our difficult emotions.?

But first, let's understand what difficult emotions are. There are so many to name; it could be anger, frustration, irritation, disgust, greed, jealousy, fear, anxiety, shame, guilt and so on.

 

While all these sound like negative emotions, Dr. Susan David uses the term, difficult emotions. It enhances the clarity of how we look at emotions. By labelling something as a negative emotion and trying to avoid it, we might miss out on the valuable messages those emotions are trying to convey to us.

We experience such difficult emotions almost every day and our ability to deal with it in a right manner, determines our level of wellbeing or happiness.

 

There are typically two ways we deal with our emotions. It is either we bottle them up, by discounting it or we brood over it by dwelling excessively over it. Research indicates that while most men tend to bottle up their negative emotions, many women tend to brood over it.

 

While we might think, that one of the two is better than the other, both are harmful and destructive in its own way. Research shows that both bottling and brooding can decrease well-being, increase depression and anxiety, diminish cognitive performance, affect relationships and quality of life.

 

Let's first look at Bottling up. Bottling is a tendency to push aside emotions, almost pretending they don't exist. Bottling up is typically a way of discounting an emotion, as not worthy of our attention.  Bottling tends to suppress useful clues like stress, disaffection, dissatisfaction, anger, and sadness. But these emotions are very much there within us and can be useful signals for helping us calibrate our lives.  People think that it is a brave thing to do. "Men don't cry" is a sort of childhood conditioning, many children across different cultures have learnt to believe.

Next is Brooding. Brooding is the tendency to dwell and ruminate on emotions. Brooding paradoxically draws our attention away from useful emotions. People think of brooding as a way to let go of the difficult emotions, but in the process, it neither feels good to them or to the people they are surrounded with. People hate to be around brooders, because they seem to suck and drain, one's energy.

While bottling our feelings might help us see things more objectively in the moment, it cuts us off from all subjective data. Brooding might help us understand them better, but it can cut us off from the needs and perspectives of others. It can blind us from the objective reality.

 

So, what’s the alternative? Not surprisingly, like anything else there is a middle way.  It is a 3 step process, which involves Embracing, Labelling and Addressing.

Embracing – The first step is to accept your emotions as a part of you and become less self-critical about yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Welcome your emotions in a kind, compassionate, and curious way.

 

Labelling – Unhook yourself from the emotion and try to give the emotion a perfect label. Move away from identifying with the feeling by being more precise about what it is. Once you can gain distance and  clarity on difficult emotions by labelling them precisely, acknowledging exactly what you’re feeling, distinguishing frustration, for example, from impatience, or shame. Recognizing these emotions for what they are, without getting lost in them, is the key to seeing them as temporary bits of useful information, but not immutable facts.

Addressing – Take the effort to find the cause of the emotion. For example, I am feeling angry, because I am disappointed by someone. Once you are clear about the cause behind an emotion, it is often easier to act upon it in a more objective fashion, which might help us to overcome it, without further emotional damage to ourselves and others.

Consider a difficult situation you’re currently facing and see how you can handle it better by using this “middle approach”. 

D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Let not your labels become your limitations

Have you ever come across people, who say things like:

•          I studied in a Tamil medium school, so I can’t speak English.
•          I come from a conservative family, so I am a shy type.
•          I come for a rural background, so I don’t have a good exposure.

There are so many such statements we hear in our day-to-day life, and we empathetically accept the same. But if we look into this deeply, it is more of a psychological issue rather than a real issue. All these are just the many labels, one has subconsciously bought into, in their childhood.

There are so many such statements we hear in our day-to-day life, and we empathetically accept the same. But if we look into this deeply, it is more of a psychological issue rather than a real issue. All these are jus the many labels, one has subconsciously bought into, in their childhood.

There is a concept called Self Fulfilling Prophecy. It is a process through which one’s expectation leads to its own confirmation. So, we become what we believe or do only the things we think we are capable of doing. It is all in our mind. It has a positive side and negative  side to it. On the positive side, it is empowering and enabling, whereas on the negative side it becomes self-limiting and disabling.  Our labels can become our limitations. This is the impact of labelling.

Now let me, explain this with an interesting analogy, of the childhood conditioning of an Elephant.  We all know that the Elephant is a mighty animal, but still we see that it is made to stand in a particular place, by fastening it with a small metal chain. With its size and strength, the Elephant can easily break away from this chain, if it tries a little harder, but still, it doesn’t. Can you guess, why it is so?  It is because of its childhood conditioning.  The chain was fastened to its legs, when it was small and every time, it tried to move it felt the chain holding it back and so was not able to move. After years of conditioning, the Elephant concludes that it cannot break away from this chain and so stays wherever it is, even after growing up. Though it is a simple story, there is a deep message for all of us. It is because, it is the same type of conditioning that happens to humans too.

This conditioning happens to humans, in the form of labels, which is either given to them by someone else or by themselves. So, we have to be conscious about what we tell ourselves and others.

So, let us start with ourselves. What are the labels you have given to yourself? For instance, I have given the following labels to myself, and it is still difficult to outgrow - I have a poor handwriting; I am a slow reader, I speak too fast and so on. These are some of the many labels, I have been living with since my childhood and over a period of time, these labels have become so deeply rooted strong, they have become my comfortable excuses too. I am well aware that if I stop making these excuses and take extra effort, I can overcome all these, but at some point, of time we all learn to live with our limitations, rather than taking efforts to overcome it.

The next thing we have to be cautious about is, what we tell others, especially our own children. Our children believe and trust us so much, that they can be easily influenced by what we say. So, by calling a child as lazy, shabby, or dull we are not helping them to be any better. We are just making it easier for them to accept that as an excuse and continue to live their life, that way. There are a lot of things, we unintentionally tell our children without realizing its long-term implications. And these words become their limiting beliefs. So, in spite of growing up as an adult and being able to challenge and update that belief, they tend to keep validating it by believing in their childhood labels. This in turn leads to a lot of complexes, which limits their ability to volunteer and take up opportunities.

So, how do we overcome this? With some self-introspection, we can become aware of our labels and challenge them instead of using them as excuses, that is limiting our growth. We need to realize that every shortcoming can be overcome through some formal training and practice. For example, No one is a born public speaker, yet many people learn the art of public speaking and fine tune it with practice. It is true some people are naturally gifted, but that doesn’t mean public speaking is reserved only to those selected few. Anyone who takes the effort to learn and practice, can develop the skills, they wish to acquire.

So do you want to continue being a victim of your own labels or do you want to emerge as a victor from these labels? The choice is yours.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

 Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

 Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

 Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

The Defining Moment

Off late, I have been listening to a particular segment of the Himalaya Audio Learning App called “Himalaya stories”, which I found to be interesting as well as inspirational. It features short episodes about world famous personalities and celebrities belonging to different fields, such as Politics, Science, Sports, Entertainment and more. What I found to be specifically appealing about this audio compilation was that it is not like an entire autobiography of a particular person, rather it talked about a particular event or a particular challenging period a person faced and how in the face of such adversities they emerged and became successful. So, this brought me to the realization of a defining moment, in every one’s life which raised them to their current level of greatness.

 

As I further reflected on this idea, I was able to relate it to both real life and reel life.  For instance, every good movie or a novel has a defining moment. If we watch a movie or read a story, we will notice that the story of the lead character, would keep progressing in a normal and comfortable pace, till something drastic or dramatic happens. After that particular moment there is a major mind shift in the person, which completely alters the course of further action, and makes him an altogether different person. This sort of an element is not only necessary to make a story interesting and gripping, but this also seems to be the design of life itself.

 

To illustrate this, let me share a few examples, we can relate to. If you have read the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi, you would notice that there are many key incidents that happened in Gandhi’s life, but the one moment which we often remember as the defining moment of his life is, when he was thrown off a train at the Pietermaritzburg railway station in South Africa, after a white man objected to him travelling in the first-class coach.

Similarly, when we talk about Gautama Buddha,  though there are so many things to learn from his life and his preaching’s, it is the defining moment of his life that is remembered, wherein he first encounters people who were old, sick and a dead person,  while he goes out of his royal palace. This in turn makes him to go in search of the eternal truth and achieve this Godly status.

 

There is also an interesting story of how Nobel prize was constituted. Alfred Nobel was a Swedish inventor, and of his many inventions, it is the invention of the dynamite, that made him most famous.  One day, Alfred Nobel was astonished to read his own obituary, in the newspaper titled “The merchant of death is dead”. It was Alfred's brother Ludvig who had actually died, and it was a wrong news. Still, this news article shook Nobel and made him ponder about how he would be remembered, after he is dead. This inspired him to donate his entire wealth, to constitute the 5 Nobel prizes, of which one is the Nobel prize for Peace.

 

So, the defining moment is a deep revelation of a hidden truth or brings to awareness something significant, which forces someone to change.  It is often preceded by a period of adversity or a moment of shock. It is how one responds to the adversity, that makes it a defining moment or just another moment.

 

There are many achievers who have found a major breakthrough in their career, through a defining moment, which has catapulted them to great heights, that they have never imagined and once they reach there, there is no looking back. We have often heard of this scenario in the entertainment industry, wherein a person spring to the spotlight and becomes an overnight sensation, after a brilliant performance in a movie or a stage show.

 

It is quite normal, for us to call this luck, but to me it is a result of many years of effort, hard work and struggle that brought them to this moment.  I am fond of this quote, “Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity” and quite often the opportunity comes in the disguise of a problem. People who view the problem as a challenge and fight it through seem to find the light at the end of tunnel.

 

So, does everyone find a defining moment in their life?  I am not sure. Probably we might assume, that something significant that already happened in our life, as our defining moment, until something better happens. A defining moment could be an intuitive life calling and we do not really know when it will come. But if we keep doing our work with utmost commitment and if we are sensitive to all that is going around us, someday our defining moment will find us.

D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Analysis Paralysis

 

Analysis Paralysis

In one of Aesop's fable, “The Fox and the Cat”, the fox boasts of hundreds of ways of escaping while the cat has only one. When they hear the hounds approaching, the cat scampers up a tree while the fox in his confusion gets caught up by the hounds. The fable ends with the moral, "Better one safe way than a hundred on which you cannot reckon".

Analysis Paralysis is used to describe a state, when over thinking or over analysing a situation can paralyze our decision making, putting us in a situation of stand still. 

There are a number of reasons, why we don’t make decisions quickly. It could be, because of the fear of making a wrong decision and the implications thereof, or it could be due to our unrealistic expectations of arriving at a better solution and thereby waiting endlessly, keeping all options open, without deciding. Of course, decisions should not be made in haste, and it is wise to be cautious, before arriving at a decision. But the truth is, the longer we wait, the many opportunities we might miss. There is an apt quote “the early bird catches the worm” which implies that the quicker we seize an opportunity, the faster we can grow. So, when we don’t respond fast enough, we not only lose out on opportunities, but stagnate our personal or organisational growth too.

We have all heard that, “Knowledge is Power” and it is an irony that sometimes it is the same knowledge that feel like a curse and make us feel powerless. It can cripple us. When we become aware of the all the things happening around us, it could lead us to feel a sense of overwhelm and anxiety, which can in turn become a stumbling block for growth.

 

I would like to draw an example, from  my own life, as to how my approach towards business changed after my first visit to China. I was into Export – Import Business, and I was doing a reasonable volume of business. I visited China, with an interest to develop my business, but my visit proved to be counterproductive, because of what I observed and learnt from my interactions, with the Chinese businessmen there. Looking at the size of their factories, production capacity, their aggressive nature of clinching business deals, their manipulative pricing strategies, I started to find myself irrelevant, in the big game. It greatly altered my perception of business, which made me lose confidence in my own business and put me in a state of stagnation.

On the other hand, I have come across many businessmen, who are not so knowledgeable, yet are highly successful. They seem to trust their gut instincts and make the decisions. And in many cases, it has worked in their favour. It reminds me of the lyrics of one of the old Tamil songs, “புத்தி உள்ள மனிதரெல்லாம் வெற்றி காண்பதில்லை…. வெற்றி பெற்ற மனிதரெல்லாம் புத்திசாலி இல்லை.”

 

I am not here to say "Ignorance is bliss", though it sometimes feels true. There is an interesting concept, that says, “Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway.” I am not sure, if there is any scientific truth behind this, but this seems to apply well, in many real-life scenarios.

 

So next time, you feel stuck and not able to move on, ask yourself, “Am I caught up in an Analysis Paralysis trap?”. Be aware that too much of knowledge, can lead to too much of data and too much of data can lead to too much of analysis and ultimately too much of analysis can lead to paralysis of action, which can be detrimental to our growth.

 

There is no point sitting over ideas, without acting upon them. Success in today’s world, doesn’t always belong to the smartest, but to the fastest person.  The people who are making rapid progress in life, are not the ones who are well informed, but the ones who have the ability to think and act fast.

D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com