Smash down Negative Thoughts
with Positive Actions

Many people think I am positive person, but only I know how much difficulty I have in dealing with my negative thoughts. Everyone has negative thoughts. No one is immune from it. A research says that a person has around 60,000 thoughts every day and out of which more than 80% are negative. These negative thoughts are not bad as such, but rather essential, because they have been the determinant to human survival in the process of evolution.

Our subconscious mind operates on the trigger of our fears and dreams. Man is motivated by fears and dreams. So negative thoughts, are nothing but fears in disguise. To list, here are a few negative thoughts, that are quite commonly found- hate, anger, jealousy, sadness, depression, helplessness, not feeling loved, lonely, suicidal etc. If we look at the root cause of all this, we will find, that it is because of some sort of fear that overshadows or threatens our ego.

 

So how does one stay positive despite all such negative thoughts? I take conscious effort to convert my negative thoughts into positive thoughts and this is the technique I follow and find effective too. “Whenever I get a negative thought, I smash it down with a positive action.”

Let me explain this with an example: Few days back, one of my social acquaintance, had posted in  a WhatsApp group, a birthday pic of herself, performing various social roles. The first thought that came to mind was that she was self-boasting, which is not a true reflection of her. But then, I asked myself, “Who am I to judge that. What is really bothering me?” and I realized that it was just an ego play, that was showing up in form of such contempt. So, I quicky posted a congratulations message as a response to the post and in some time, I started to feel good about myself.

 I am sure many of you might have faced such situations. It is so common today, for people to post so many trivial things in social media, such as baking a cake or dining out or watching the first show of a movie. Our normal thought might be, “Why the heck would someone post this?  It is OK to ignore it, without any comment. But, if you feel that you don’t want to respond, because you are feeling envy, then the best way to counter the envy is to respond with a positive message by saying something like “WoW”, “That is lovely.” “  I am happy for you”. “Glad to see you all smiles” or at least an emoji of a thumbs up, clapping hand or an appropriate smiley. It might sound as an inauthentic expression of self, but when you do that you will experience the positive feeling that that action generates.

So, how does it work?  In psychology, there is a concept of Thoughts – Action – Feelings Triad, which is supposed to be connected to one another. By changing one of them, which is in your immediate control, you can change the things, which are not in your immediate control. When we choose a positive action, we can create a positive feeling, which will ultimately lead to a positive thought too. So, here you can see the link of the chain of events that follow one another: Negative Thought – Positive Action – Positive Feeling – Positive Thought. This is a simple yet effective strategy, we can follow to smash down our negative thoughts.

 

There is a nice saying “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”. It is so true. The devil’s work is to produce negative thoughts. So, whenever you are getting some negative thoughts, recognize the devil and engage in some positive physical activity, to combat and destroy it. I have heard people say, I am not in a mood to do anything. That is when they should be actually doing something, otherwise they might get into a spiral downward loop of negative thoughts. For instance, if you are feeling down or stressed, just take a brisk walk or get into some physical activity and you can see, for yourself how your mood transforms.

Our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected and by altering one of the variables which is in our control, we can change the ones, which are not in our control. So, next time you feel so irritated that you want to go hit someone, just go and shake your hands or hug that person and see what  difference it makes to your feeling.

D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

Workcation

About a month back, I went on family vacation, to a resort in Kerala. As I was sitting in the reception desk, I saw a young couple from Mumbai, enquiring with the receptionist about the facilities available in the resort. The receptionist started to explain the sightseeing options available around the place, but the couple didn’t seem interested, in any of those. On overhearing the conversation, I was intrigued to understand, why they weren’t  interested to go around the place, having travelled such a far distance. They said, “We are both IT Engineers, and we have come here for a week.  We are tired of working from home, during this COVID period and so for a change, we have travelled here to work with our laptops, overlooking the natural beauty of the lake and the lush greenery. It is not a vacation for us, but a workcation”. I was taken aback for a moment. Though, I have heard this terminology “workcation” before, this was the first time, I was seeing someone actually having it.

So, what is Workcation? Workcation is the combination of Work + Vacation or in other words a working vacation. Workcation is the new concept of a vacation that combines business with leisure.

I am someone who thinks that work and vacation, are two different things and doing it together dilutes the benefit of both. The essence of work life balance cannot be fully achieved through this, in the true spirit of a vacation. I feel a vacation should be a mindful time, to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, without any compromise. The advent of mobile phone has already made people stay connected with their work 24x7, in spite of taking a break, which by itself is an idea, I often admonish. However, things seem different today. The concept earlier frowned upon as it was believed, for blurring the lines between work and leisure, now seems like an appealing prospect. Though this idea sounds weird, I see that this sort of holidaying is catching up, with youngsters.

With people working from home during this pandemic, this concept seems to be a welcome change.  People have realised all they need is electricity and a good internet connection to work from anywhere, which is why workcation is going to be the next big travel trend. Workcation seems to be a good option for those who are able to earn good money but not able to enjoy the pleasures of earning, because of their work overload or nature of work. Travel companies around the country are exploring the idea of a workcation fully to provide people a chance to enjoy work and a leisure holiday at the same time. Their enticing caption is “The new way to travel and end your work from home boredom”. Workcation is an idea that believes, that if you can't go on a vacation, take your office along. The idea of relocating for a few weeks, a month or even longer to a destination that is within driving distance seem like a lucrative idea. The aim is for a person to work for five days, then enjoy for two days around the destination they are staying at.

Imagine yourself up in the mountains or sitting in front of a serene beach with your laptop, in comfiest clothes and a cup of hot coffee. Who wouldn't want that? It also comes with the benefits of pleasant weather and unlimited access to outdoors along with some fun activities like trekking, fishing or biking.

Have we not heard of poets and writers, taking off from the hustle and bustle of the hectic city life, into the calm mountains to find a peaceful, serene place?  They believe that they can get their creative juices to flow, when they connect with nature and have the alone time to focus on their work, without any disturbance. 

Also, in this era of internet, we hear of freelancers, who have harnessed the power of internet, to gain a complete control over their time and place of work. Travel bloggers and vloggers are always on the go, doing their jobs too. It is a world of many possibilities and workcation is one such thing too.

So, if your heart craves for travel, but your work is stopping you from travelling, then workcation might be the thing for you to try. This is a new change that we will all be experiencing in course of time. Our children might very well be getting into this sort of holidaying, in the coming days. So, we might as well look up at it, with an open mind and tell ourselves, that it is the part of the new normal.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

New Normal or Abnormal?

Ever since the outbreak of COVID, there are a few terms that we hear, which are quite new, such as - lock down, social distancing, home quarantine, pandemic etc. One such new term is “It is the NEW NORMAL”. But somehow, I am not able to come to terms with this new term. Let me explain why?

When we say something is a new normal, it means we will not go back to the old. Not going back to something we did before, should be for the right reasons. For example, we don’t want to go back to a world, where people died of disease or starvation; or to a world, where humans were treated like slaves and had no right of expression. But, what is happening now is not a transition through human effort, but something we are forced to deal with due to an external threat.

It is a war like situation, where we need to stay safe and at the same time face the challenge of the corona virus. So, like a war soldier who protects himself and goes to the war, we too need to take all the precautions and keep doing the things we need to do. But we cannot stay in a war for ever. There are wars that have lasted for so many years, but ultimately it came to an end and people started to live a normal life. Till then panic and uncertainty existed, but that did not make their life a new normal. People survived through the period, to live the life they have always lived.

There have been many disruptive changes that have happened over the years. There have been changes in business, technology, and lifestyle. We are evolving continuously, but we don't call it a new normal every time.

This COVID lockdown has brought about a lot of changes too. One significant change is the emergence of online model, in every regular activity we do, such as online meetings, online courses, online tutoring. Though these technologies existed even prior to COVID, the situation now has compelled people to move in that direction. Thanks to internet. So many things are possible online.

However, on the downside we are losing out on some of the most humanistic need of social connection. Man is a social animal and we have an innate need to physically connect with people. There are a number of things, that cannot be replaced by keeping things virtual. For example, a student cannot study all through his life in a virtual classroom atmosphere. A school is not just a place to study, but a place to interact, play and have meaningful fun. Online shopping is a convenience, but it has not fully replaced the traditional shopping model. Similarly, though there are so many online options available today, it cannot equate to real life experiences. So, just because a technology is available, it cannot be a replacement of the existing model. It can only be a stop gap arrangement, as long as we tide over the situation.

The same applies for so many other things, that we do on a regular basis, such as travelling, spending meaningful and interactive time with friends and relatives, visiting a place of worship, dining out, having live entertainment.

There are a few things, we cannot accept to be the new normal. So, I feel it is not a good idea to dismiss the situation as the new normal, but rather keep striving for a solution, with a hope that things get back to normal soon. Over the centuries, we have listened to so many, “Doomsayers prophecy” which has never come true. The human race has gone through various life threats, in form of natural calamities, wide spread viral diseases, famines etc and at the end emerged victorious. It is this belief that has helped us get going through all the tough times. We may or may not find a cure or a vaccine for the virus soon, but we shouldn’t lose hope in human effort.

Let stay positive amidst the crisis. Let's not succumb to accept everything that happens now as a new normal, but work towards changing things which are abnormal.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

 

How to get whatever you want in life?

Recently, I happened to listen to an audio programme, on the title, “How to get whatever you want in life? by an online celebrity coach, Marie Forleo. Being New year time, when all of us are making some new year resolutions and setting new goals to achieve, I thought sharing the insights I gained here, will be useful to all of you too.

 

In her talk, she talks about 3 strategies we can use to achieve whatever we want. She starts with a quote by Thomas Alva Edison, which goes like this. “Discontent is the first necessity for growth”. The above quote was something that challenged my belief. I am someone who believes contentment leads to happiness, but I realized that a contented person, doesn’t strive to achieve great things in life, because he tends to cling on to the belief that discontentment is greed. However, if we look at the life of all the achievers, they all possessed a sense of discontentment or a burning desire, that did not allow them to settle for anything less than what they aspired for. So, let’s dive in to the 3 strategies:

 

Strategy 1 – Decide what you want:  The first and foremost thing, we all need to have before embarking on a journey of achievement, is a clear idea of what we want in life.  Clarity equals to power.  So, we need to ask ourselves 2 questions.

·       What do I really want?

·       Why do I want it?

With this clarity, it is easier to chart out a roadmap, to success.  We can hold onto our goals only when we have a strong purpose or motivation to achieve it. Otherwise, it will be just a weak wish and not a strong goal. So, once we are aware of what we truly want, we have to fully commit to attaining it, whatever it takes.

 

Strategy 2 - Eliminate excuses: Well, once we set our goals and intentions, it is possible that we don’t get started off or  stop halfway through, owing to some mind blocks that show up as excuses. Excuses are a sort of justification for not doing something. To this, she says, “If it is important to you, you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse. So, we need to validate our excuses, by asking ourselves, is it something that I can’t do, or I don’t want to do, or I won’t do, or I am not interested to do or something else?  These can sometimes be difficult to differentiate. But by pondering a bit more, we can understand what is really holding us back. We have to take some time to introspect and come up with the top 10 excuses, we have been giving. Once we have figured out these top 10 excuses, we have to ask these 2 questions to ourselves

·       What is the bias behind the excuse?

·       What will I do to neutralize it.?

And once we find a way to overcome our excuses, there is absolutely nothing stopping us back except strategy 3 which is about “taking action”

 

Strategy 3 - Action is Magic: No matter how big our desire, if our level of actions match it , we can succeed. But the problem is many people don’t put in the required level of action or effort.  It is quite common for people to say, “I tried, but it didn’t work out”. This is more of a myopic thinking. We need to ask ourselves whether we have explored all the options available. The chances of us succeeding in anything big, in our first attempt is less likely, but that should not make us lose hope. We should look at failures as feedback and not setbacks. We have to learn the lessons, of what works and what doesn’t work and move forward, more intelligently. Here is where she suggests the “Magic 20 formula”. The Magic 20 formula is about brainstorming for a minimum of 20 ideas, 20 possible ways, 20 action steps, or whatever it takes to make our goals happen. Remember, there are many ways to achieve a same goal. For example, we can become richer, by earning more or spending less. So, we need to explore all the avenues of actions, that we can take and try different methods. It is similar to using a number of keys to open a lock. We never know, which one might finally unlock our dream and potential.

 

And once we have got all the above strategies right, there is one more element we need to hold on to and that is Faith. It could be the faith in your own ability or the faith in God or the divine intelligence that guides you.

 

So, embrace these 3 strategies and hold on to your faith, to make your dreams come true in this New Year 2021.

                                

  D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Don’t let your fear intimidate you

I hope most of you might have watched the old Tamil movie, by the name “Thenali” in which Kamal Haasan plays the role of a fear and phobia victim, in which he seems to encompass all the different types of fear.  It is a comedy movie, but it also showcases how many different types of fear, we humans can encounter. If you make a search in Google, for “List of Fears and Phobias” you will be surprised to see how many of them exist. Some may sound real and we can relate to it, but many of them appear strange, silly or weird.  But the truth is, whoever is experiencing it, is having a difficult time.

Don’t let your fear intimidate you. Be aware of your fear, the reasons behind your fear, accept it and deal with it. Human beings have survived the most difficult of times and this is just another such difficult time, which we will emerge out of too.

 

Irrespective of growing up to adults, a lot of us carry a number of irrational fears. I have a lot of fears too, like the fear of ghosts, darkness, street dogs, snakes and insects. We are afraid of so many things, right from the big wild animals such as Lions and Tiger, to the small ones including Snakes, Rats, bees, and the Corona virus which is not visible to our eyes. The overwhelming feeling of fear can often be intimidating.

 While trying to understand the concept of fear, I realized that “We are afraid of anything we don’t understand”. We are afraid of the darkness, but when the light comes, fear disappears. Similarly, fear is a sort of our ignorance. When awareness and understanding come, the fear disappears. How we react or respond to fear depends not just based on our logical understanding but also on our emotional conviction, because fear is an emotion.

 

So, let’s first accept that fear is natural and something common. It is a human’s way of survival. If human have survived the prehistoric days, it is not just through their valour but through their preparedness in the face of fear. It was the fear, that kept the human’s alert and sharp to warning signals, which helped humans to be cautions and intelligently deal with it. So, there is nothing shameful about fear. However, too much of fear can also paralyze us, which we should not let to happen.

 

The fight-flight-freeze response is our body’s natural reaction to danger. It’s a type of stress response that helps us react to any perceived threat.

 

With context to the Corona Virus, let’s see how each works:

 

Fight – It is often more difficult to fight an invisible enemy, than something big in size. However, there are the Doctors and Healthcare workers, who are working to support the recovery process of COVID infected patients. And there are Scientists working hard to find a vaccine to end this threat. So, efforts are on to combat the deadly virus.

 

Flight – This is what we were advised to do, during the lock down… Just stay indoors and avoid any chance for exposure.

 

Freeze – Our lifestyle has come to a slow move mode or almost freeze mode, especially for people, who have lost their jobs and don’t know what to do next.

 

In addition to the tree modes, there is also the 4^th F option, which we can call the Face mode.

 

Face – Facing the situation is about taking all the safety precautions like social distancing, wearing a mask, hand wash etc and doing our best to go about living a normal life.

 

This has now, more or less come to practice, yet the threat stays. Each person may take a different approach, which he/she feel suitable and think is the right thing to do, while facing this pandemic. So, it would be wise not to comment which one of the above, is the best, no matter what our choice may be.

 

While we are experiencing the fear of the virus, let us remember fear by itself has the characteristics of the virus, which is the contagious nature.

 

   

 D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com