Monday, November 27, 2023


Emotional Safety – A Priority


In 2006, I went to Finland on a month long trip, as a part of the Rotary Group Study Exchange programme. This gave me an opportunity to stay with the Rotarian families there. One of my observations about how they handle their kids was insightful to me and would like to share it with the readers.



One of the families I stayed with was a couple who had two young boys aged 8 and 10.In the weekends, they go out as family to public parks or open places where their kids can play. So, I accompanied them on one of the weekends. The moment the kids got out of the car, they wore on their skating shoes and started dashing through the public roads, without any sense of fear. That fearlessness was instantly shocking to me, because in a similar situation in India we will not allow the kids to run or play on the roads, as we feel it is unsafe, with the public traffic. But there, I found that their parents were totally unruffled and actually cheerful to see them playing like that.  I realized that the parents are not too concerned about the physical safety of their kids, because the society and people in general were very safe and polite. They have good road sense and always gave priority for pedestrians, cyclists and kids. So, they really don’t have to worry whether their child will be safe or not.


 

There was another incident, where the teacher of their kids visited their house. I understood that in Finland, it is common for teachers to visit parents and for parents to visit teachers in their homes as well. Being a less populous country and with no social stigma, everyone seems to be friendly with each other. So, I was just keen to understand what the parents and teachers talk about, when they meet. Here again I found something interesting and surprising too.  They were discussing about everything in general, except how their kids are faring in studies. When the focus of discussion turned towards their children, they were discussing about the emotional wellness of the kids, such as how happy and cheerful they were at school; how they are getting along with other kids and things that related more with the emotions of the kid, rather than the academics.


This made me realize that people there, seemed to be more concerned about the emotional Safety of their kids, more than the physical Safety (which they seem to take for granted).  There, it seems to be an unwritten rule that “Physical Safety is a social responsibility whereas emotional Safety is the responsibility of the Parents and Teachers.”



 

We all know that the education system in Finland is considered the best in the world. I think the education system is not just about the syllabus or methodology, but their overall approach to education. This informal parent – teacher meeting, which I have shared above, where they discussed about the emotional wellness, seems to be a highlight. I think, it is the type of understanding that is shared by the parents and teachers, in bringing up the child is what makes their education system, truly special. 



 

Now compare this with the Indian context. Don’t we find that, we are more concerned about the physical safety of the child rather than their emotional safety? We take care of their health and safety needs, but neglect their emotional needs. It is sad to see that sometimes, parents and teachers cause emotional hurt to children, by using abusive words, in the name of correcting the children. This doesn’t work. It only backfires in a bad way.


 

Emotional Safety in kids include trustworthiness, confidentiality, not putting them down in front of others, confidence building measures through use of positive affirmation and appreciation.

 


Let’s evolve, to make the emotional safety of our kids, our priority too.









 D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.
  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 
  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Monday, November 20, 2023

The Complete Man

The Complete Man


“The Complete Man” used to be the advertisement tag line of the famous brand, Raymonds Suiting. This tag line probably reaffirms the Tamil Proverb, ஆள்பாதி, ஆடைபாதி (Aal Paadhi, Aadai Paadhi), which means that no matter what we are inside, the world determines our quality based on how well we dress. Similarly, whether we like it or not, people around us are constantly judging us, based on various parameters, such as how effectively we are performing our various roles.


Performance Appraisalis a regular activity that happens in almost all the companies, in order to rate the employee’s performance and thereby offering the right types of financial rewards, incentives and promotions that help a person to grow in the organisation hierarchy. One of the concepts that is gaining prominence in top Corporate circles and MNC’s is called the 360° performance appraisal, which means an employee is not only rated by the boss or people in the higher position, but by everyone in the workplace, that  the employee comes in contact with. This includes, his colleagues, his subordinates, his vendors, his clients and all the other stake holders.So, it is no more of just being able to please the boss and get ahead in the career, but being an all rounder who is able to satisfy the expectations of every person he is in contact with.


This sounds like a difficult task, but if we look at it, it is a more ideal and holistic way of appraising a person. From the viewpoint of the person who is being apprised, he needs an open mind for this sort of an appraisal. But once he is ready, the benefits are many, because through feedback he gets an opportunity to develop himself in different aspects.


Now, let us see if we can enlarge this picture to all walks of life. Just like how we perform different roles within an organisation, like a boss, subordinate or colleague, we also play manydifferent roles in family, such as parent, spouse, child or sibling. And again in the society we may play many roles like being a group leader, office bearer or member of a few social organisations.


So, are we doing justice to all the roles we are playing? Are we able to handle all our roles well? Are we neglecting one for the sake of the other? Are we able to balance our time around all the roles we undertake? If not, why do we take up so many roles?


We need to understand that roles are not just positions or fancy designations, which we use in visiting cards or letter heads, but a set of responsibilities. We need to be aware that every role comes with a set of responsibilities. Only when we are fully aware of the responsibilities each role demands, will we be able to perform that role properly. This involves planning our time, energy and resources accordingly.


A complete man is a well balanced, all rounder, being able to perform his various roles properly. Though, it may not be possible to have a formal 360° performance appraisal, like we have in organisations, we can periodically do a self check to see how we are faring in each role of life. Our conscience undoubtedly, is the best judge and if we can give an honest answer, we will know which roles need more attention and which roles are taking too much of our time. By becoming aware, we can try to manage our priorities to live a more balanced and holistic life. This I think, is the mark of a Complete Man.













 D. Senthil Kannan,

  Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.
  Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 
  Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Reputation Is An Outcome Of Repetition

Reputation is an Outcome of Repetition  You can't buy a good reputation; you must earn it. ~Harvey Mackay   When we repeatedly do thin...