Be a Guardian Angel

Be a Guardian Angel

The buzz word that has sent a panic across the world recently, is “Blue Whale Challenge” – an online game which turns to be a death trap. The Blue Whale game  is believed to be a suicide game wherein a group of administrators gives a participant a task to complete daily — for a period of 50 days — the final of which is the participant committing suicide. There are over 100 deaths reported so far, due to this game. It really sounds horrific to even think of it, but I guess we need to introspect a bit to understand, what this implies to the human race.

I personally feel that this game has been tested upon the teenagers, who are the most emotionally vulnerable. It is difficult to come to terms, with the fact, that a game can be used to manipulate the human mind to the extent of making him, kill himself.

Mankind has tided through the “Survival of the fittest” challenge to become the most strongest and evolved species, in the world. Man is definitely not the strongest by body, but by mind he has been able to gain dominance over every other living thing in this world. When such a rich faculty of the human brain is put to test, with such a game, it truly becomes a question of how psychologically vulnerable we are?

 

We all know human beings are a social animal. This social animal craves for attention, acknowledgement and appreciation. When these things are neglected, the human mind goes into a deep state of depression, which can lead to suicidal instincts. So, where is the weak point? Where are we really losing? I guess, the answer is in shallow relationships. 

 

So, the question to ask ourselves is, are we giving the needed attention to our relationships? Are we taking caring of the emotional needs of our children and family members, as much as we take care of their financial and physical needs? Are we sure they are not feeling deprived. Do they get a chance to open out their fears and desires freely? Do we give them enough opportunity to express themselves or are we just bulldozing our thoughts on them.

 

Sep 10^th is World Suicide Prevention day, and I read an article which talked about 3 alarming facts:

1. India ranks 7th in the Global Suicide Index.
2. Tamilnadu is among the top 3 states in the number of suicides
3. Home makers, Farmers and Students tops the list of suicide prone segment of people

While the cause of farmer suicides could be due to economical reasons, the other 2 segments are probably going through high state of stress, anxiety and depression, which we fail to address positively. It is a clear indication that somewhere, these people are crying for their voices to be heard. 

The number of suicidal deaths in the country is 22/1, 00, 000 people, which is about 0.0002%. Though it is a small percentage, it is still not negligible. The point of concern is, it is steadily increasing year after year, which means we need to exercise caution. While all other forms of deaths such as death due to old age, illness, accidents, nature calamity are beyond our control, I believe suicidal deaths are something which is very much under our control, provided we make a conscious check on the wellbeing of our relationships. We can certainly do our part to make sure people don't die, due to neglect.

 

The most valuable gift we can give anyone is the gift of time. In a fast paced, competitive world where people have become too self oriented and achievement seeking, there is a good chance that we may be neglecting on taking care of our vital relationships. We as human beings have the moral responsibility to care for each other and protect each other. Please make sure, you do.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Reciprocal Altruism

I happened to attend the NASSCOM HR Conference 2017, held at Chennai.  In one of the session the speaker Mr. Sanil Sachar, who is an author and entrepreneur used a phrase, “Reciprocal Altruism”. This sounded new to me. While altruism means selflessness, the word reciprocal made this phrase looked like an oxymoron statement to me. Well then the example he gave me, sort of made me ponder over it.

We have heard this famous quote. “Birds of a feather flock together”.  We have also seen this in action, and we would have noticed that these birds fly in a unique pattern. They fly in a V formation. The V Formation, also known as the Echelon formation, is very frequently seen in migratory birds, like geese which migrate or travel over long distances. No doubt, it looks neat and classy to onlookers, but have you ever wondered, what is the real reason behind this particular flying pattern of birds?

There are many reasons that are attributed to this, such as protection from preying birds, easy communication and coordination with the team, but the more significant reason is that this V formation helps to conserve energy. Each bird flies slightly above the bird in front of him, resulting in a reduction of wind resistance. The birds take turns being in the front, falling back when they get tired. In this way, the geese can fly for a long time before they must stop for rest.

So, is there any learning’s for human beings from this? Yes! What the birds are exhibiting is actually a classic example of “Reciprocal Altruism”.

A flock of birds can be compared to a family. Each member of the family plays a supportive role to each other. Just like how birds takes turn, when one is tired and keeps the flock going smooth, each family member pitches in at the right juncture to do what it takes to keep the family running smoothly. Let us explore a few situations.

When we were young kids our parent’s showed unconditional love in bringing us up. There was no expectation from them except to see us happy and successful in life. So, when our parents grow old and they are in need of support, it is an opportunity for us to reciprocate the altruistic love they have shown on us.

When we were small our siblings would have protected us and cared for us. When our siblings are going through a difficult phase of life, it is an opportunity for us to reciprocate their care.

As working couples, there can be situations where the wife may have to take a break from work, to nurture the child and another situation where the husband might have to quit job in order to study further to get a better position in his job. At these instances the other partner may have to work overtime to compensate for the income loss of one of the partner. This is a classic example of reciprocal altruism too.  

The above examples are just a few of the many situations, where reciprocal altruism finds its place. It is called reciprocal altruism, because there is no compulsion, but it is just a voluntary choice. There is no written rule, but it is a moral responsibility, we are willingly shoulder at such moments. It is not a “give and take policy” but it is about giving whole heartedly, when a need arises.

I see the younger generation of today, very independent in their outlook, that they fail to see the big picture. They fail to understand the sacrifices made by the parents, sibling and so many others in shaping them up. They should be more aware and conscious of this fact, that when a need arises they don’t shirk away from this, by saying it is not my problem, but rather do their part to reciprocate altruism.

   D. Senthil Kannan,

   Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

   Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

   Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Our Attitude determines our Happiness

I would like to share a recent happening, in my life. My younger son, Sanjeev had completed his grade X, and when we are thinking about his higher secondary, he expressed his interest to go to a residential school. Though he showed interest, I was not sure how well he would cope-up with the hostel atmosphere, as he has been quiet a pampered kid at home and also tends to be little fussy, about food and other things. However, I felt that this was an opportunity for him to get in touch with the hard realities of life and so started to look out for a school and finally decided to put him in a residential school at Madurai. The school we decided upon had a hostel with basic minimum comforts - dormitory type of accommodation shared by 10 to 15 students, no air conditioner, common Indian style toilet, open shelf space to keep the things. In addition they also ensure the discipline of getting the students to wake up at 4.30am in the morning, not allowed to use mobile, can’t go out on weekends, can’t talk to parents excepting for once a week and a lot other restriction.

Still having made up his mind, he chose to go there. It was a week since, we left him in the hostel and there was no way we could communicate with him. I was worried, how he is coping up and I was waiting for the weekend, when I could go and meet him.

I was expecting that he will have a lot of things to crib about and I was thinking within myself, as to how I should comfort him. And the weekend came and with a lot of excitement on one side and anxiety on the other, we went to meet him. He came out of the school, with a smiling and happy face, which was a sigh of relief for us. When we started to probe him with questions, like how he likes the school, the hostel atmosphere, food, etc, he kept on saying ‘Super” for everything. I was pleasantly surprised. It is then I realized, that as it was a choice he made by himself, he has kept up a positive outlook, towards this new hostel life. When our mind is positive, we tend to notice the positive things in any situation, whereas when our mind is negative, we tend to notice the drawbacks and even small things irritate us.

There is a famous quote, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”. I feel this is very true. Two people facing a same issue, may react differently to it. Like, one person may look at a problem as a problem, whereas the other might look at it as an opportunity.

Similarly, when we are driving and a pedestrian cuts across the traffic in a hurry, we can either honk with anger we see can just stop, be tolerant and give way with a smile. We can try to push through a crowd with desperation at a billing counter or decide to be patient and stand calm in a queue. When someone hurts us, we can either choose to take revenge or give forgiveness. It is ultimately our attitude that makes a difference in our life. It can make our life feel happier or feel stressed and irritated.

A good attitude is a result of our good virtues, like patience, tolerance, kindness, concern, empathy, forgiveness and magnanimity. So, when we have a positive attitude we not only make life better for ourselves, but we make it better for everyone around us.

So, next time you are unhappy. Ask yourself, “Is something wrong with my attitude?” The answer might be there.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com