Do you perceive insult?

A few days back, while I was chatting with my niece Ramya, in the flow of our conversation, she used a term “perceived insult”. This term caught my attention, which made me to probe a little more into it.

I realized that a lot of misunderstandings in relationships could be a result of perceived insult. So, what is perceived insult? Perceived insult is not a real insult, but what our mind tends to perceive, as an insult. That is to say, even when no one means to insult us, we feel insulted.

A simple example, could be something like this. Let us say you have been invited for a wedding and due to some reason, you are not able to attend it. The person who has invited you, might feel offended or take it as a personal insult on him, by imagining that, “You don’t consider his family important”.

Well, there could be many more situations like this. Just consider these:

• You have been trying to call one of your friends, and he isn’t picking your phone calls or repeatedly cutting your call.
• Someone opposes your view, in a social forum.
• A subordinate at office, who regularly wishes you “Good morning”, has failed to do so.
• A youngster sits in front of you with his legs crossed.
• You have gone personally to meet someone, but that person, is talking endlessly over phone to someone else, which results in waste of your time.
• You are in a social gathering and there is someone there, who you know very well Inspite of seeing you, he doesn’t come and talk to you.
• One of your relative from outstation has come and you invite him to stay in your house, but he decides to stay in another relative’s house.
• One of your friends is throwing a party, but he hasn’t invited you.
• A much younger person than you addresses you, by your first name.

These are just few examples. There can be many more. At these moments, it is natural for a few of us to feel offended or insulted. Isn’t it?

But what if the person had no intentions to insult you, but it was just his situation that made him to act that way. It could be the result of his cultural conditioning, environment, priorities or so many other things.  

Why then do we perceive an insult, which is not really intended? It could be due to various reasons. It could be the result of

•          Undue Imagination
•          Negative Thinking
•          Low Self esteem.
•          Inflated Ego
•          Envy

Whatever it may be, when we perceive an insult, it can strain a beautiful relationship. Well, I am not saying that we have to be naive or immune to insult. There are genuine reasons, for us to feel offended by insult, but it doesn’t make sense to get offended, just because we perceive an insult.

The irony is most of the time, while we are fuming with anger or feeling terribly hurt about that person’s behaviour, the one who we think has insulted us,  may not even be aware that you have felt offended. So, as the result, it is just a pain for you and not for the other person. Why do we have to cause hurt to ourselves unnecessarily?

There is a saying, “Always give the other person, the benefit of doubt”. This means, when your mind tends to think negatively about someone’s behaviour, try to think about a positive reason in favour of the other person. This can probably give you a different perspective, which will help you to alter your thinking and stay cool at such situations.

So, next time when you feel insulted by someone’s behaviour, ask yourself, “Is it real or Is it just my imagination?” Once you are more aware of your thoughts, you can put an end to it. By doing so, you can save a valuable relationship from unnecessarily turning bitter.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Do you perceive insult?

A few days back, while I was chatting with my niece Ramya, in the flow of our conversation, she used a term “perceived insult”. This term caught my attention, which made me to probe a little more into it.

I realized that a lot of misunderstandings in relationships could be a result of perceived insult. So, what is perceived insult? Perceived insult is not a real insult, but what our mind tends to perceive, as an insult. That is to say, even when no one means to insult us, we feel insulted.

A simple example, could be something like this. Let us say you have been invited for a wedding and due to some reason, you are not able to attend it. The person who has invited you, might feel offended or take it as a personal insult on him, by imagining that, “You don’t consider his family important”.

Well, there could be many more situations like this. Just consider these:

·      You have been trying to call one of your friends, and he isn’t picking your phone calls or repeatedly cutting your call.

·         Someone opposes your view, in a social forum.

·       A subordinate at office, who regularly wishes you “Good morning”, has failed to do so.

·         A youngster sits in front of you with his legs crossed.

·      You have gone personally to meet someone, but that person, is talking endlessly over phone to someone else, which results in waste of your time.

·     You are in a social gathering and there is someone there, who you know very well Inspite of seeing you, he doesn’t come and talk to you.

·     One of your relative from outstation has come and you invite him to stay in your house, but he decides to stay in another relative’s house.

·         One of your friends is throwing a party, but he hasn’t invited you.

·         A much younger person than you addresses you, by your first name.

These are just few examples. There can be many more. At these moments, it is natural for a few of us to feel offended or insulted. Isn’t it?

But what if the person had no intentions to insult you, but it was just his situation that made him to act that way. It could be the result of his cultural conditioning, environment, priorities or so many other things.  

Why then do we perceive an insult, which is not really intended? It could be due to various reasons. It could be the result of

    ·         Undue Imagination

    ·         Negative Thinking

    ·         Low Self esteem.

·         Inflated Ego

·         Envy

Whatever it may be, when we perceive an insult, it can strain a beautiful relationship. Well, I am not saying that we have to be naive or immune to insult. There are genuine reasons, for us to feel offended by insult, but it doesn’t make sense to get offended, just because we perceive an insult.

The irony is most of the time, while we are fuming with anger or feeling terribly hurt about that person’s behaviour, the one who we think has insulted us,  may not even be aware that you have felt offended. So, as the result, it is just a pain for you and not for the other person. Why do we have to cause hurt to ourselves unnecessarily?

There is a saying, “Always give the other person, the benefit of doubt”. This means, when your mind tends to think negatively about someone’s behaviour, try to think about a positive reason in favour of the other person. This can probably give you a different perspective, which will help you to alter your thinking and stay cool at such situations.

So, next time when you feel insulted by someone’s behaviour, ask yourself, “Is it real or Is it just my imagination?” Once you are more aware of your thoughts, you can put an end to it. By doing so, you can save a valuable relationship from unnecessarily turning bitter.

    D. Senthil Kannan,

    Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

    Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

    Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Sikkim – The Shangri-la of India

One of the holiday destinations, I had been long contemplating to visit was Gangtok in Sikkim. I along with my family and my friend’s family went on a 6 day trip to Sikkim. I would like to share my experience with you through this article.

Sikkim is a small state, in the North East part of India with a small population of just 5.5 lakh people. The state is surrounded by 3 countries, Bhutan, Nepal and China. As a result, Gangtok serves as an army base, to secure the protection at the borders. It was interesting to know, that Sikkim was an independent country till 1975, after which it became a part of India. Though Sikkim has their own state language, Sikkimese, most people speak Nepalese. Of course, they can converse in Hindi too. The nearest airport to reach Sikkim, is Bagdogra in West Bengal. From there it is a 5 hour drive on the hilly terrain to Gangtok.

Sikkim is divided into 4 districts, North Sikkim , East Sikkim, South Sikkim and West Sikkim. Our tour spanned across 3 districts, excepting for West Sikkim. Gangtok is in East Sikkim and also the capital of the state.

On our way to Gangtok, there was a place where we could do white water rafting at the Teesta river. It was so much of thrill and fun. There are a number of attractions in and around Gangtok, such as Buddhist Monasteries, Flower Gardens, Temples, Falls and the Tsmogo lake located at 12,000ft above sea level, making it the most popular tourist destination. We spend 2 days in Gangtok seeing all these places.

Though Gangtok is beautiful, there are a lot more less popular places that are even more beautiful. For instance, Lachung and Yamthang, which are located in North Sikkim are extremely beautiful, as nature is in it’s pristine best. Lachung is a beautiful place, with mountains on all sides with a stream of river flowing in the middle of the town. Driving another 25 kms upward, we reached Yamthang which has a valley of flowers. Beautiful flowers of red, pink, white and purple cover the place, making it a treat for our eyes.

The next day, we proceeded to a place called Namchi in South Sikkim. Namchi, has a beautiful view point of the world’s third largest peak, Kanchenjunga. There is also a Shiva Mandir called Chardham, which encompasses a mega size statue of Lord Shiva.

After spending a night there, we proceeded back to the Bagdogra airport, carrying beautiful memories of Sikkim.

Momos, Thukpa, Wai Wai and Maggi Noodles became a part of our daily food. There aren’t many full fledged restaurants, but these foods are cooked and served in small provision stores, which serve as an eatery too.

A few things worth being mentioned are, the cleanliness, discipline and friendliness of the people there. It is just amazing and worth emulating for every other Indian state. There is no litter thrown outside. Every cab has a garbage bag in which the waste is put and later disposed by the cab driver. If any passenger is caught throwing any litter out of the car, then the cab driver is fined Rs.1000/- so they are quite concerned about this. Also there is no overtaking of lanes. If they overtake, there is a spot fine of Rs.5000/- This law and order mechanism ensures cleanliness and discipline in the state.

A saying goes, “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations”. This perfectly matches with Sikkim. As it is a hilly terrain and as about 50% of the road are just dangerous dirt roads, we were to able to cover an average of only 20kms per hour. Though we spent hours of travelling, beauty enveloped us from all sides, making every sight an awesome experience.

No wonder, Sikkim is called the Shangri la of India. It is definitely a place, everyone must visit at least once.

 

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Less Honking, Please

We are all aware that Noise Pollution is a big social headache, yet in a country like India it seems unavoidable. From the market streets where the vendors are shouting in the top pitch to gain attention, the pompous wedding procession with band set, marriage ceremonies with shrieking music, temple festivals playing devotional songs in high decibels,  noise pollution is uncontrollable. Adding to this is the sound of traffic and especially the insensible sound of honking.

I am an advocator of less honking, as I have seen it as a good practice in Western countries. Honking is too much undue noise and makes the street, a stressful environment to commute.  So, I generally, do not honk. However, recently there were two incidents, when I faulted on this good practice, which created undesirable consequences.

The first one was when I was driving from Courtallam to Madurai, and as I was driving through a small town called Srivilliputhur, a man was slowly crossing the road. I honked to give a signal for him, hoping that he would notice my car coming and fasten up his pace. But to my shock, he just stopped in the middle of the road and stared at me. Though, at first reaction I got a bit angry, I realized that he had the right to show his protest, like that. When I am driving within town limits, I have to be more concerned about pedestrians and cyclists. So, I stopped and waited for him to cross. We cannot expect a pedestrian crossing in a small town like, Srivilliputhur and so we cannot just get away saying, that the person must have used that. So, the general rule, we can aptly follow is to give priority to the pedestrians and cyclists, as they cannot put up with our speed and it is senseless to honk on them.

On another occasion, I was driving within the Madurai city and there was a traffic signal. The signal just changed from Green to Amber and at the speed, I was driving I could have easily passed through the signal, but unfortunately a cyclist was in front of me. She stopped the cycle the moment, she saw Amber, which is the right thing to do. But, as I was in a bit of a hurry, I honked, which put a little pressure in her to move forward. At this odd juncture,  the signal turned  Red and vehicles from the other direction, started moving in. She was in a sort of a mess, finding it difficult to cover the distance, with so many  of those vehicle drivers, honking as a sign of disapproval. I felt so bad about my act. It was because of my honking, did she move. So, without intention I had put a pressure on her, which put her in an embarrassing situation.

What I have shared is not uncommon. It happens day in and day out. People start honking at traffic signals, even before the green light would come, People are so impatient to wait. While it may sound, like an everyday affair, we need to remember that it is not right to be insensitive on the roads.

If we want, India to be in par with Western countries, our attitude should change. We need to be more concerned about fellow traveller on the road. Honking is similar to shouting at someone. It builds up a lot of passive stress, which does not feel nice at all. One of the reason, people go home exhausted is not because they are tired, but because they feel so stressed by so much of honking they get to hear on the streets.

So, let us commit to honk less or rather follow the policy, “Honk, only if you must” and make our cities, less noisy and more peaceful for fellow commuters.

D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com

Prepare better, Perform better

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

- Abraham Lincoln

Few days back, I had the opportunity to attend a residential business workshop at Kodaikanal, organised by YES (Young Entrepreneur School). The founder and Chairman of YES, Mr.Neethimohan, took us on a morning walk around the Kodai lake. During this time, he stressed on the importance of being prepared, before any task we intend to do. He said, “One of the key qualities of a successful businessman is his preparedness. This state of preparedness will help you to perform better and bring about positive and productive results”. It made a lot of sense to me.

While most of us are so busy doing thing or executing actions, how many of us spend the right amount of time for preparation. The 3 ‘P’ for effectiveness is Plan, Prepare and Perform. Therefore, preparation should precede every performance, to make the performance effective. The quality of the performance directly depends upon the quality of preparation.

Anything and everything we do at work, needs adequate preparation. It could be anything right from making a speech or presentation, meeting a customer, visiting a trade fair, attending a business conference or participating in a seminar.  We tend to think, we can manage it in the last moment, which is primarily owing to our overconfidence. But the truth is that, the quality of our performance would take a beating, when we are not prepared.

Most of you, might have watched the inaugural ceremony of the Olympics. There are a few awesome performances we get to watch, with so much of grandneur and synchronisation. What we get to see is a 10 minute performance, but behind that 10 minute performance there is bound to be 100’s of hours of preparation. So, what we clap for or give a standing ovation is not just for the 10 minute performance, but for the painstaking preparation, that went behind it.

One of my friends, in the training fraternity, tells this about school exams. He says, a student studies for 300 days, writes an exam for 3 hours and his answer sheet gets evaluated in 3 minutes. Isn’t this true? Hours of preparation, finally leads to one ultimate performance. So, isn’t it wise to give adequate time for preparation?

So, learn to make preparation a vital ingredient of your daily life, may it be for personal, social or work. Let this thought get deeply engrained in your mind that, without adequate preparation there is no great performance.

Let us say, you are travelling abroad, get to learn a few words and phrases of that country, and you would be amazed to see the difference in the type of reception, you get. You can also be prepared by checking the weather and carry the right type of clothing, checking the map to plan your travel accordingly, and so on. With the power of internet, this preparation part gets quiet easy. So, leverage it, to your best use.

As a more prepared person, you would be looked up with high esteem and people would trust you, because they know that you have done your ground work.

There is a saying. “Success is where preparation and opportunity meet”. There are a number of opportunities coming our way, but unless we are prepared to capitalise upon an opportunity, we cannot be successful. So, let us give due importance to preparation and make it a lifelong habit.

 D. Senthil Kannan,

Managing Trustee, PALMS, Tuticorin.

Author of "Transformational Thoughts" - A Journey of learning 

Email: senthilkannand@gmail.com